


Prayer and Despair

by DarkEnvy



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Multi, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-04-05 10:01:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 27,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4175634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkEnvy/pseuds/DarkEnvy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Emma and Regina aren’t so innocent, but one wrong move delivers the reality slap of a lifetime. The thing about reality slaps? They tend to open your eyes to more than you ever wanted to see.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. NOT MY HAPPY ENDING

**Author's Note:**

> NOTE: Thank you for happening upon this story and taking the time to read it! Apparently I need to say this up front, because it's getting repetitive in reviews, especially from Guests that I can't even respond to: This story is updated slowly. Back when I very first published it, there was a LOT of drama revolving around it, and it took me nearly a year to get the second chapter up because I had given up even trying for a while. However, I did decide I was going to continue, but it is still a slow update. I have a lot of things to do, and this is something I come back to for fun when I have the time. And note that these chapters are SUPER HEAVY in the word count: that alone makes the wait for updates longer than you'd probably like.
> 
> I AM NOT EXPECTING PEOPLE TO GET INVESTED IN SOMETHING THAT'S A SLOW UPDATE. I AM, HOWEVER, EXPECTING YOU TO MOVE ON WITHOUT STATING IT TO ME. If you're a Guest, and you're telling me you aren't reading my story because there's only a certain amount of chapters in the past year and a half, you're literally wasting your time. You got a reaction, yes, but this is more annoying than anything. This is FANFICTION. Can we please keep it fun as opposed to judgmental, or stating opinions that really don't have much of a point?
> 
> SECOND: THE FIRST TWO CHAPTERS ARE CS/OQ HEAVY. However, these ships have sunk by chapter three. If you do not like these ships and won't read them, even if they do eventually sink, please move on and refrain from loading my reviews with negativity. Let those that are enjoying this do just that.
> 
> Thank you, and I hope you enjoy!

There was something cathartic about climbing into Regina Mills’ bed, but climbing out of it was an entirely different story. It was like she was leaving a little bit of her dignity behind every time; a little flame of the fire Emma Swan was known for. It was her own damn fault. She had let herself get drug into this, and though she knew she was just Graham’s replacement – a quick fuck to bring Regina’s nerves under control – she still couldn’t help but feel like this was some power play. Regina had found an upper hand on her, and it just happened to be when she had Emma’s hips pinned to the bed, using her tongue and her thumb to drive her into an absolute frenzy of physical nerves and stimulation.

Sometimes, Emma swore she hated it. Other times, she found herself looking forward to the night. Oh, well. She couldn’t win them all.

Regina watched her that night as Emma got dressed, a habit Emma noticed the Mayor had picked up recently. Her face was always inscrutable; like she could be plotting an attack on Emma in her own bedroom. Or she could be contemplating something to eat. Hell if Emma knew. But it was starting to get annoying, feeling eyes watch her while she attempted to stitch her modesty back into place.

“Can I help you?” Emma asked, voice flat as she shrugged her shirt over her shoulders. She scowled as she realized three of the buttons were missing. Regina noticed, too, and the corner of her lips twitched up into the slightest smirk.

“Uncomfortable?” the brunette asked in that sweet, fraudulent tone she tended to use when goading Emma. The blonde rolled her eyes.

“Hardly,” she drawled. “But I could do without the audience.”

Regina was smirking now. “You weren’t saying that the other night, dear,” she purred, and Emma felt her cheeks heat up just a bit. Regina had talked her into touching herself for her to watch. And despite her hesitance – she had never touched herself for  _anyone_ before – seeing Regina lose it just watching her had all but driven Emma crazy. She had never come so hard in her life. It figured Regina would find an opportunity to taunt her with it now.

The shirt was hopeless, so Emma settled with pulling at it and shaking it enough to sit naturally on her body. There was a hell of a lot more cleavage than she liked flaunting around (and she didn’t miss Regina’s gaze dropping to drink it in), but it wasn’t like anyone else was going to see her. If they did, there were plenty of reasons for her shirt to be ruined. She was the Sheriff; wrestling some idiot who tore at her shirt and snapped her buttons off was a good enough excuse.

Though sometimes, she did wonder what everyone would say if they knew how it happened. What was happening when she appeared with bruises and torn clothes.

After taking a few extra minutes in front of Regina’s mirror to make herself look more presentable, Emma knew it was time to go. She hadn’t even wanted to stay this long, but she was walking; she couldn’t do that looking freshly fucked. Hair swept up into a pony tail, the blonde snagged her wallet and phone from the floor and headed for the bedroom door. “Night,” she called over her shoulder. It may have been a hit and run, but they at least had that many manners towards each other.

“Miss Swan.”

Pausing, Emma glanced over her shoulder. Regina regarded her for a moment. “You have a lunch with Henry tomorrow. Eleven thirty sharp. Do not be late.”

It was quite clear in her tone what would happen if Emma  _was_ late, and her brows shot up in surprise. This was the first time one of their nights had granted her any time with Henry. Maybe Emma had done an extra decent job this time. After another moment of pause, Emma nodded, then stepped out of the bedroom. She had stopped questioning Regina a long time ago.

****

_Three Years Later_

“Honestly, Emma, all I ask is that you call when you won’t be home for dinner,” Snow White scolded her blonde daughter as soon as Emma walked through the door. “And where on earth did you get that scarf?”

 _Damnit,_ Emma thought, irritable as her right hand coming up to touch the scarf Regina had let her borrow for the night. She should have known her mother would notice that it wasn’t hers. Now that the curse was broken, and Snow knew a hell of a lot more about Regina and her tastes again, Emma wouldn’t be surprised if the pixie haired woman called her out on who it belonged to. Thankfully, it didn’t come to that.

“It’s old,” Emma said, dismissive as she headed towards the rickety steps that led to her bedroom. “The air in my car won’t shut off. Needed something to keep my neck warm.” That was half true, at least. The air in her car  _was_ messed up and wouldn’t shut off. But Emma thrived in the cold, so the black silk scarf wasn’t necessary. She had begun to ascend the steps when Snow called out to her.

“Emma! Dinner!”

Sighing, Emma shut her eyes and counted to five. When she turned around on the step, her features were arranged into a patient look as opposed to the annoyed one she had sported just a few seconds ago. “I’m sorry,” she said. “Someone busted up a few windows on Main Street again, so I had to go check it out.” Again, not untrue. She had just made a pit stop on the way home. A two-hour pit stop that ended in quite a few marks that forced her into wearing the stupid scarf in the first place. She supposed she was lucky that Regina had even let her wear it; they had gotten into quite a nasty verbal spar before Emma had left, and Regina had made sure to let Emma know that she didn’t care if her parents found out that the Evil Queen was fucking their daughter.

The only reason Emma cared was because she wasn’t willing to get involved in a murder. If Killian found out, she was positive Regina would kill him for his attempt at her.

Snow was staring hard at Emma, who blinked back at her in what she hoped was a normal form. But Snow had always been able to pick up on something strange in the air. She might not have acknowledged it out loud, but she was suspicious, and her eyes said so. “I’ll leave it in the oven for you to have after you shower,” Snow said. “I made chicken.”

“Great,” Emma said with a small smile. “Thanks, Mom.”

That seemed to placate Snow for the time being, and Emma managed to turn and get up the stairs without interruption. She’d had half a mind to tell Snow to mind her own business and calm down, but she didn’t have it in her to act like that towards someone who was still letting her stay with them. Someone who was trying so hard to be the mother Emma had always wanted. It was almost sickening to look at. But she knew she was going to get questioned soon, and she knew she was going to get the third degree about Killian if Snow had already figured out the signs.

Emma opened the door to her bedroom and tugged the scarf from her neck, tossing it to the floor as her fingers brushed a couple of the marks that still stung her skin. Her other hand searched around her pocket for her cell phone, which she turned on to check. She had gotten Killian one of his own not too long ago, but he was a complete idiot when it came to using it. Three text alerts flashed over her screen; one from the One Handed Wonder himself, and two from Regina. The only reasons Regina ever contacted her after one of their sessions was if Henry needed something, or if Regina was feeling vindictive. When she opened the first message, she was rolling her eyes to find that Regina had chosen door number two tonight.

_‘I fully expect to see that report at the beginning of the week. I’ve waited long enough on your lazy antics. I need to review it before the meeting.’_

Emma deleted the message. The report would have been finished by now if Regina had given her some free time that week. It had been the first night in almost a month that they had been together, but the Mayor…Queen…whatever the hell she was calling herself, had a bad habit of piling Emma with work when she was in a bad mood. Clicking down, she opened the second message.

_‘And I do hope you’re aware that the Sheriff’s station is eligible for a fine if that report does not get finished before deadline.’_

It wasn’t the first time Emma had been threatened with a fine. Regina had never followed through with it, but the blonde knew better than to put it past her. They may be a little more…tolerant…of each other, but the crazy bitch that Emma had met upon first coming to Storybrooke was still alive in Regina today. Even so, that message got deleted, too.

The call she made to Killian was quick. They often were on nights like this. There was a large decrease in her cheating ways, but they were still happening, and even though she knew what she was doing, she still felt a bit guilty. She liked Killian. He stuck around for her, and he liked her, and it was nice to feel wanted and sought after again. But the longer it went on, the less guilty she felt. She was still wondering why that was.

“I love you,” Killian said to her when they were ready to hang up. He had said it a few times already, and Emma really wished he would stop that. Her silence stretched on until she closed her eyes and muttered, “Yeah. Good night.” She hung up the phone and tried not to let it haunt her as she turned out the light.

****

The next three days were busy and exhausting, and Emma was ready to tear Regina’s throat out. “For someone who wants that report so fucking badly, she sure does find all this last minute paperwork to throw at me that needs to be done  _right now_ ,” Emma growled, throwing down a fresh manila folder with several printed pages in it that had shown up on her desk sometime between leaving for lunch and returning. Sometimes, she wished this town had just let Snow take over as Mayor. But no. Because Regina had always taken care of Storybrooke during the curse, they just had to go and trust her to keep doing so now that everyone knew who they were. Emma was all for redemption and  _not_ pissing Regina off, but it was getting exhausting to stay in her cordial circle of hell.

“You need to hire a Deputy,” David said from where he stood across the room, an open filing cabinet taking up all his attention as he rifled through it. For what, Emma could only guess. She was sure it was something the blonde needed days ago, and now couldn’t even think of due to the number of white sheets she was now drowning in.

“Isn’t that what you were supposed to be here for?” Emma snapped, tone vicious. It made David whip around and give her an incredulous look. “Sorry,” Emma muttered as she pushed things around on her desk. She wasn’t. Where the hell was that folder for the report? She had  _just_ had it!

As if things weren’t already frustrating, the station phone chose that exact moment to ring. Emma groaned; she didn’t have the patience to go get those little thieves again, or fish a cat from a tree. She didn’t have the  _time._ Snatching up the phone, Emma pressed it to her ear, ready to snap into it before David gave her the  _easy there_ look, and she forced herself to expel a breath before taking another one. “Sheriff’s station.” Her voice was a hell of a lot more calm than she felt.

“Miss Swan,” came the liquid voice that Emma really didn’t want to hear right then. Emma shut her eyes, counted to ten, and then tried her luck.

“Regina,” Emma replied, a bit curt. “What do you want? I’m busy.”

“I need that report today,” Regina said, cutting straight to the point. She sounded almost gleeful, making Emma wonder if she had been planning this from the start.

“You said next week,” Emma growled. “I’m not finished.”

“That’s really not my problem, Sheriff,” Regina said, and Emma could hear her typing up a few things on her keyboard. “You have until five. Be grateful I’m giving you that long.” And with that, the line went dead, and Emma’s patience shorted out.

“I should have let that wraith eat her soul,” Emma growled as she slammed the phone down, tearing through her papers and folders in an attempt to find that folder. Of course, her words were empty; even with as big of a bitch as Regina was being, Emma would never wish any real harm upon her. Not anymore, at least. Something must be going on between her and Robin Hood, but no matter how much sympathy Emma had, she didn’t react well to it being taken out on her.

When she found the folder, she flipped it open and read over what she had so far. Who the hell even cared about the Budget Report for the Security Assistance Team anymore anyway? Security had gone from random volunteers to Emma, David, and the dwarves. She was pretty sure a town full of magic folk didn’t worry too much about their security teams anymore, seeing as they all looked at Emma as the Savior of Everything.

Regina had knocked her around enough for the week. She could wait on the report until Emma was finished with it. Slamming the folder shut, she shoved it in her bag to deal with at home that weekend, and let five o’clock come and go without a glance.

****

“Fuck!” Regina hissed, the leg not trapped in her tights wrapping around Emma’s strong torso to drag the woman harder down on top of her. Emma’s teeth pulsed at Regina’s neck, earning another strangled noise when it was paired with a strong thrust of long fingers into her throbbing walls, and the blonde took pride in knowing that she had made Regina completely fall apart within ten minutes.

Regina had come to her that night. It was rare that Regina came looking for Emma for this, and even more rare that she deigned herself capable of lying on Emma’s bed without flinching or making disparaging comments. It was Sunday night, and Regina had shown up at Emma’s apartment in the closest thing to tears Emma had ever seen her in. She had looked horrible. And the blonde didn’t know what it was, but she had developed the desire to wipe that look off of Regina’s face, and it appeared that she had been successful. She lifted her head from Regina’s neck to make sure, eyes tracing over features that were twisted in pleasure and concentration. Like this was the sole action that would keep her from slipping back into a place she didn’t want to be in.

Emma hadn’t asked, and she didn’t plan to. She had better ways of fixing the problem, whatever it may be. And Regina looked sexed up that night, in a dark red dress that complimented her skin, black tights, and tall black pumps. As soon as she had gotten Regina into her room, she had her hands under that dress, ripping down the tights and the thin lace beneath them, and shoved her onto her bed. One shoe had been kicked off as Regina struggled to get at least one leg free so she could spread herself more easily. Emma hadn’t had to work for it this time: she had climbed on top of Regina, slammed a bruising kiss to her lips, and shoved two fingers in with no prepping.

Regina had loved it. She’d cried out against Emma’s lips and rolled her hips against her hand, and at the last second had the mind to cast a sound proofing spell in case Emma’s parents came home. There were no insults when Emma took it in her own direction, no stopping her when Emma started biting in visible places. Whatever this was, it was a complete and total escape from something, and Emma planned on giving it to her.

It only took a few more thrusts and a brush of Emma’s thumb to her clit before Regina was screaming, her whole body arching, then going rigid. Emma had made Regina scream once before, and it had been on a miserable, hot night when Regina’s air was broken. Said heat had gotten to both of them. Emma didn’t bother with any kind of victory parade in her head this time; she was just glad that Regina had gotten there at all. Her fingers kept moving through the jerking aftershocks, and when Regina went limp, Emma stilled. It was a couple of minutes of just watching Regina as she panted and squeezed her eyes shut before Emma realized she should back off. Pulling her fingers free, she crawled off of the brunette, settling next to her in a sitting position instead.

After a while, Regina opened her eyes. The scarred, hollow look had vanished, and the deep brown pools had reverted back to cold and unwavering. It was a good thing Emma didn’t expect the favor to be returned, because Regina didn’t look at all like she was willing to do it. “Well then,” Regina said, and her cheeks scalded when her voice came out hoarse. Clearing her throat, Regina sat up, pushing a hand through her tousled hair before leaning down to work her foot back into the leg of her tights.

“Don’t forget anything,” Emma muttered, leaning over the side of the bed to grab a water bottle. Hook was coming over later, and that was the last thing she needed. Regina sniffed in response and her nose turned up when Emma offered her the bottle of water. So much for trying to be thoughtful.

Once Regina was dressed again, she stood in front of Emma’s mirror, adjusting her hair. There was no way it was going to sit in its perfect style, but she still looked better than most people who just got fucked the hell out of and didn’t have anything to fix themselves up with. It was odd, now that Emma thought about it, to realize that the tables were turned here; Emma was the one watching Regina ready herself to leave, and there was a faint tug in Emma’s abdomen that felt a whole lot like disappointment. She put it down to wanting to know what had happened to send Regina right to her bedroom.

Bending down, Regina swiped her purse off of the floor where she had dropped it and slung it over her shoulder. The last time she was there, she hadn’t spared Emma a glance as she waltzed down the stairs and out of the apartment. This time, she turned her head to face Emma, though she didn’t look at her directly.

“Thank you.”

Emma blinked in surprise. It was quiet, and for a minute she thought she had been hearing things, but no. Regina had just thanked her. For what? For fucking the hell out of her on a moment’s notice? “Okay?” she answered, voice weak and confused. Regina didn’t elaborate. She opened the bedroom door and stepped out onto the staircase, and Emma couldn’t help but wonder if this would be the last time she heard from Regina for a while.

****

Two weeks passed without so much as a threat from Regina. Emma had turned in the report through the usual mediums, but she never heard a word about it. The meeting Regina had needed it so desperately for took place, but the Mayor wasn’t even there. In a small bought of concern, Emma tried Regina’s cell phone after work one night, but was sent straight to voicemail. She hung up with a frown; whatever had driven Regina into her bed must have been pretty serious if her phone wasn’t even on.

A week and a half later, Emma talked to Henry. She had been trying to get hold of him the whole time, but between her work schedule, his school schedule, and Regina’s insistence that he be home by a certain time, she never caught him.  She had heard from her mother that Snow was the one driving him home, as opposed to Regina picking him up. That rubbed the blonde the wrong way; if something was wrong, the least Regina could do was pick up the damn phone and let her help with their kid. And she told Snow as much the night she found out that her mother had been picking him up, and volunteered herself for the task for the next day. She was outside the school at three twenty on the dot, and Henry came wandering out ten minutes later, looking around for Snow’s car. When he saw the bright yellow Beetle across the street, he looked surprised, but jogged over anyway.

“Hey, kid,” Emma greeted with a small smile as Henry climbed into the front seat and dropped his bag onto the floor.  He looked stressed, which worried Emma; were things really that bad?

“You’re totally going to grill me about Mom, aren’t you?” Henry asked, looking amused with himself as he clicked his seatbelt into place and looked over at her. Emma snorted, then smirked; he was definitely her kid.

“Yep,” Emma said in a matter-of-fact voice, turning on the car and directing it back out onto the road. “But I figured we’d get lunch first. You know, catch up before I start harassing you.”

As they drove towards Granny’s, Henry cut right to the chase. That was one thing she could admire about him; he had stopped beating around the bush, learning it wasn’t beneficial on his end. “She’s just sad,” Henry said. “She makes dinner and stuff, and comes down to see me when I get home, but she’s locked in her room most of the time otherwise. Or at her vault. At least, I think that’s where she is.”

“Has she used magic?” Emma asked, a touch of concern edging her tone. That was one of the biggest things she worried about; Regina losing her patience or her temper altogether, and doing something stupid. Marian had pushed Regina in the wrong direction, away from all the progress she had made. Emma didn’t know Regina back when she was the Evil Queen, but she was pretty sure the brunette was taking steps back towards that path. Emma couldn’t let it happen.

“I don’t think so,” Henry said as they pulled into the parking lot of the diner. “I can’t really tell. And I can’t ask anyone. She took my phone after Robin tried to call me to get in touch with her because she wouldn’t answer her phone.” Emma’s brows flew up. “They saw each other two weeks ago,” Henry was quick to add. “I saw them walking towards the cemetery together when Grandma picked me up. I don’t know what happened. She came home hours and wouldn’t talk to me.”

Emma had gone stiff while Henry spoke, listening with rapt attention while trying not to give herself away. Two weeks ago…Regina had come to her apartment two weeks ago, looking wrecked and pleading with her body for a distraction that Emma had been more than willing to give to her. She had known that it had to have had something to do with Robin, but now Emma was curious about what. What on earth could have torn Regina down like that?

“He’s leaving Storybrooke,” Henry said quietly. “With Marian.”

Oh.

“That’s rough,” Emma muttered. “And not all that big of him. He leads her on, even after his wife gets here, and then just up and leaves?” Emma turned off the car when she was parked, leaning back in her seat and looking over at Henry. “Do you know when?”

Henry shook his head. “I heard three weeks, but I’m not sure.”

Three weeks? Why the hell would he be waiting so long? And where the hell would he even go? Sighing, Emma rubbed a hand over her face, head thinking back onto the seat she sat in. All of this was none of her business. Then again, she had a habit of not minding her own business when she was curious about something, and she was a little worried. Regina had never acted like this, even when Graham died. She honestly couldn’t figure out what to do to help. She couldn’t believe she  _wanted_ to help.

“Let’s eat, kid,” Emma said finally, pushing open the car door. “I want to hear about what you’ve been up to.”

It was a pretty uneventful lunch, though Emma couldn’t deny her happiness to be around Henry again. Regina had let up a little more on her death grip around him since the curse broke. Emma thought maybe it was because she was realizing that she just couldn’t keep him from Emma now, especially since the blonde was the one who had broken the curse and saved his life. Emma had long since quit the attempts at stealing Henry – which had never been her intention in the first place, but she had to admit, she was pretty determined to take him out of Storybrooke the night Henry crashed them into a tree – and even had him home long before curfew on the days Regina did let her take him. So they were at an understanding now.

Henry was determined to have ice cream before they left, so Emma relented and let him have a bowl of chocolate. He looked far too happy for his other mother being so depressed. She supposed it was nice to be out in clean air; it had to be stifling in the mansion, no matter how much Henry loved Regina. She would never say so out loud, at risk of upsetting him even further. How did one even go about talking to a kid about negative energy and being able to feel that kind of thing, anyway? He would probably understand better than any other thirteen-year-old…but it didn’t matter.

When they were back in the car, Henry turned to look at Emma. She paused in putting on her seatbelt, brows lifting; she hadn’t seen that look on his face since he insisted that the curse was real. “Please help my Mom,” he said, tone quiet, and Emma drew back a little in surprise.

“Henry, she doesn’t want my –“

“I know you two are friends,” Henry interrupted. “I know she trusts you.” He took a deep breath, looked her dead in the eye, and added, “And I know something is going on with you two.”

Shit. If Henry had figured it out, who else had? Was it obvious? Hook was going to  _murder_ her if he ever –

 _Okay, slow down_ , Emma thought to herself. If it was that obvious, Hook would have already ditched her. Her mother was getting suspicious, though, and so was her father. But they lived with her. It was kind of hard to hide it when she was sneaking in at random hours after promising to be home for dinner, or getting caught letting Regina out at three in the morning when they thought everyone was asleep. That had been a close one; Regina had already been out the door and all but running down the steps when the lights had turned on. And as unprepared as she had been, coming up with an on-the-spot lie had been weak at best.

So this didn’t have to be a big deal. She could dumb it down for Henry and get away with it, too. First she had to wipe the shocked look off of her face, though.

“Henry, what exactly do you think is going on with me and your mother?” she asked. There. That was a good place to start. Not the absolute panic mode she had dissolved into for a minute there.

“I just do,” Henry said with a shrug, which was  _not_ enough of an answer for Emma, and he could see it on her face that she was about to say so. “I can tell. I know both of you. And when you’re both acting this way, I can tell that you’re just…acting this way together.”

“Henry,” Emma started, struggling for the right words. “Your Mom and I just understand each other a little better than anyone realizes. That doesn’t have to mean that there’s something ‘going on’ with us. We’re just…I don’t know, civil, now.” She wouldn’t call them friends, even if they were sleeping together. They were more like two people who started out sharing one common interest, and now shared two. Hell, she didn’t even have the right to call them civil; they still tried to tear each other apart at any opportunity they got, and neither one would be sorry if they succeeded.

“You don’t look as interested when you’re with Hook as you do when you’re around Mom,” Henry said. “That’s how I know.”

Letting out a soft sigh, Emma turned on the car and pulled from the parking lot. She needed to get this kid home before her head exploded. “Why does that have to mean something is going on?” she asked him. “I probably look less interested in Hook because I’m less interested in tearing his head off.” Biggest lie on the planet. When Henry didn’t say anything, she let out a silent breath of relief. Got out of that one. For now.

The rest of the ride was silent. When Emma pulled up in front of Regina’s, she turned to face Henry with a small smile. “Call me, okay?” she said. “I’ll see if she’ll give you your phone back so you can at least talk to me.” Henry nodded with a sort of defeated smile, and reached across to give her a hug. She returned it loosely; he was growing up too damn fast. He was getting to be as tall as her. His head didn’t rest on her chest anymore, it was laying on her shoulder.

They released each other, and Henry got out of the car with his backpack, throwing a wave over his shoulder as he headed up the pathway and inside of the house. Emma sat there for a few moments, staring at the door he disappeared behind. Regina would throw a fit if Emma even tried to go in to see her. But Emma hadn’t seen her in almost a month, hadn’t even  _heard_ from her, and yeah – she was worried. Far more than she liked to admit, even to herself.

In the end, she ended up driving away. Emma was pushy, but she didn’t have a death wish. Regina would come out of hiding on her own time. At least she wasn’t blowing up half the town. But ‘her own time’ had better be within the next week, because Emma already had plans to go in, guns blazing, if not.

****

When Emma picked up the phone at the station four days later, she heard Regina’s voice on the other end. The shock of it sent her into a lightheaded spiral.

“Miss Swan,” Regina said coolly, in the same voice she tended to use when she was trying to mask something like exhaustion, or sadness. Emma scowled a bit, but only waited for her to continue. “I need you to fax over the budget report for the month.”

Emma frowned. “Um,” she said, floundering for a moment. “I did that last week. Eliza should have –“

“Eliza no longer works for me,” Regina cut in. “Seeing as she didn’t get a thing done during my leave, nor did she have any of the paperwork I required from her when I returned this morning.” Regina was explaining herself. What the hell was going on? “So I need you to fax that report over, please.” A pause as she seemed to notice her slip up, and then, sharper, “Now.”  

Please!? Emma felt like she had just stepped into an alternate world, where Regina was easy to work with, and even asked nicely. “Yeah,” Emma said into the phone after a few beats of surprised silence. “Yeah, I’ll…give me about five minutes, I need to get it out of the drawer.” Another beat. “Are you…okay?”

“That will be all, Sheriff,” came the clipped response, and the line went dead. Snorting, Emma rolled her eyes and hung up as well. Not like she expected Regina to talk to her over a business line, but it was a simple yes or no question. She sounded like she was getting back to normal, but she didn’t sound all that well, either. Too much emotional turmoil? Was that even possible for Regina? Emma hadn’t seen her feel a whole lot other than anger, animosity, and the love she had for Henry.

It took a few minutes to find the budget report. She had shoved it in the filing drawer for March as soon as she faxed it over to Regina’s secretary the second week of the month. It didn’t look healthy; there were a lot of cuts, but there were a lot of added on lines, too. It was a lot worse than February’s, now that she thought about it, and she was not looking forward to the explosion Regina was going to have over that. If the woman was having some sort of mental/emotional breakdown, Emma knew she was just itching to take it out on someone else.

Once the report was faxed, Emma took it upon herself to start getting some of her own work done. No need to end up like Eliza. She was sure she would have been fired four years ago if that was really going to happen, and she wasn’t all that concerned about it anymore, but there was always that inkling she had in the back of her head that told her not to push it. She couldn’t focus all that well, too busy wondering if Regina would pick up her phone tonight if she called her, but she got at least half of the papers finished that she had decided to tackle. It was better than nothing.

She was halfway to packing up for the day when the phone rang again. Sighing, Emma picked it up, placing it to balance between her shoulder and her ear as she went about shoving a handful of papers in her bag. “Yeah?”

“Please explain to me why, in a town capable of magic, there is a three-thousand-dollar charge on this report for Firearms?”

Emma frowned. “What?” she asked, the shock of Regina calling for a second time that day dissolving with the even greater shock of a charge she didn’t remember making. “What are you talking about?”

“You tell me, Miss Swan.”

“I ordered two new guns, and both of them were out of my own pocket,” Emma said. “There shouldn’t be anything related to firearms on that report.”

“Clearly, it wasn’t out of your own pocket, because it’s showing up on the town report,” Regina snapped. “Three thousand dollars, Swan. What on  _earth_ were you thinking spending that kind of money on  _two guns_?”

“I didn’t spend that from the town budget, Regina!” Emma insisted. They hadn’t even been that expensive! She was at the filing cabinet now, tearing through some files, looking for where she had put the budget report. There had to be some kind of mistake in all of this. She barely had the file out of the cabinet when Regina snapped at her again.

“Either you fix this, or you are putting three thousand of your own money back into this town. I should fire you.”

“But you won’t,” Emma snapped back. She heard Regina snort, though she couldn’t tell if it was disbelief, amusement, or both.

“Oh, won’t I?”

“No, you won’t,” Emma said. “Because then you’ll have nothing to take out on me when Robin’s the one pissing you off.”

The line was dead silent for a few long moments, so much that Emma thought Regina had hung up. When her voice sounded over the line again, it was quiet, and more venomous than Emma had heard in three years. It made her insides go cold. “Excuse me?”

Shit. Well, this wasn’t the way she had intended this to go, and she hadn’t even meant to level that accusation. But it was out there now; there was nothing she could do about it. “You’ve been taking Robin’s shit out on me for  _months,_ ” she said, trying not to be too harsh despite the topic. “You’re making work  _impossible,_  but then you’re showing up at my door in  _tears_ because he did something to you – “

“How  _dare_ you – “

“ – and expecting me to be the one that shuts up and fucks you until you can’t think! You  _thank_  me, you disappear  _for a month,_  you say  _please_ earlier, and now you’re threatening to  _fire_ me over something that  _doesn’t even make sense!_ Grow up, Regina, because you’re fucking with the wrong person now.”

The line did go dead this time. Regina had hung up on her. Emma couldn’t believe she had said all of that to her, and she almost felt sorry. It was like all the anger and underlying fear she had pent up from Regina’s disappearance had just spilled out of her, aimed at the person she was so upset with in the first place.

And now she had to apologize, because Henry was going to have a complete fit if his Moms stopped getting along after making so much progress.

Emma went to drop into her seat, her eyes falling to the report in her hand. And there it was…Firearm Replenishment. Two thousand nine hundred and seventy-eight dollars. She hadn’t put that on there. She handwrote all of the budget every month. So how had this shown up? It didn’t make the least bit of sense, but it was on there, in her handwriting, and now she was fucked unless she could prove that the guns had  _not_ cost that much, and that she had bought them out of her own pocket money. Great. This was all she needed.

After making a copy of the report and putting the original away, Emma gathered the rest of her things and shut off the lights. Once she had locked up and was in the car, she turned her phone on, letting it load up as she pulled out of the station’s parking lot. Soon after loading, the phone beeped with three text alerts. She didn’t pick up the phone; the last thing she needed was to pass Regina on the street and get ripped into about texting while driving. She already wasn’t in the mood.

It wasn’t until she was in her parking spot at home that she picked up her phone and clicked open her messages; one from Killian, one from Snow, and one from Regina. Her curiosity peaked, but she forced herself to open Snow’s first.

_‘Will you be home for dinner?’_

She was already in the parking lot, so she would answer that question when she got upstairs. Killian’s was next.

 _‘Still having dinner tonight, love?_ ’

Uh oh. She had forgotten she’d invited him over. Judging by the time stamp of three hours ago, and the agreement being seven thirty, he should have been upstairs already with her parents. They didn’t have a lot of private dinners together anymore; Killian was too hell bent on making David accept his presence in Emma’s life to miss out on opportunities for family dinners. She was having a hard time with the lack of intimacy they seemed to have  _because_ of this.

Regina’s was last, and the one that surprised her the most.

_‘May I come over tonight?’_

It was time stamped forty minutes ago. After the raging bitch fight they had gotten into today, Regina wanted to  _come over?_  All she could do for a while was stare blankly at the phone, confusion wracking every part of her as she tried to make sense, yet again, of something that made none at all.

 _‘I have plans._ ’

Less than three minutes later, her phone beeped. Like Regina had been sitting on top of her phone, waiting for her to respond.

_‘Reschedule them.’_

Emma’s brows flew up. Who the hell did she think she was!? Expecting Emma to just give up her night’s plans to accommodate sex. Was she out of her mind?

_‘I’m not cancelling my whole night to have sex.’_

_‘Emma, I need to come over.’_

Emma blinked. She hadn’t expected that. The tone of that text was almost…afraid, maybe? No. Urgent. Emma had to wonder if this did have to do with sex.

_‘I’ll text you in a few minutes.’_

Hitting send, she shut her screen off and got out of the car, wondering how the hell she was going to get everyone out of the apartment. Why couldn’t she just go to Regina’s? It hadn’t seemed like an option in Regina’s mind, or she would have asked her to in the first place. This woman would never fail to confuse the hell out of her, and concern her at the same time.

“Emma!” Snow exclaimed in surprise when Emma stepped through the door. “We weren’t expecting you, you didn’t reply to my text, we just made reservations for –“

“It’s okay,” Emma cut in, holding up a hand. As expected, Hook was already there, lingering near the couch, but not sitting. He looked glad to see her. “I’m not staying. Something came up I have to go take care of.” And then he didn’t look happy to see her, and Emma almost winced. Almost.

“Oh,” Snow said, looking disappointed. “What…is everything okay?”

Pausing for a few moments, Emma thought before she blurted, “Henry’s sick.” Well, at least it was something plausible this time. She was going to have to tip Henry off, ask him to just go with it for her. He already knew something was going on, anyway. Taking a breath, she turned to Hook. “I’m sorry. Next week?” She tried her best to look sorry, and realized it had been a long time since she had  _felt_ sorry for treating him a certain way. She should have been more disappointed in herself.

While Hook’s expression was disappointed, it held a note of understanding now as he nodded. “Tell the lad to get better,” he said, reaching out to take one of Emma’s hands and squeeze. “Come by the docks tomorrow, aye?”

With a small smile at the offer, Emma nodded. “Yeah,” she said. “I’ll come by before work.”

“You’re welcome to still join us for dinner, Hook,” David said, and Killian looked beside himself with joy. Emma wasn’t sure why it irked her so much that he was winning her father’s favor. Maybe the awkwardness of him being in the same room with her parents with her not there. Who knew what they talked about when they were alone? Maybe some weird plans to get them engaged. The idea made Emma shudder.

“I’m sorry,” Emma repeated when it was just she and Hook in the vicinity. “I can’t just leave Henry.”

“Where’s Regina?” Killian asked, and Emma lifted a brow. Here it went. More lying.

“I still haven’t heard from her,” she said. “She’s probably home, but she’s not really in shape to be taking care of him.”

“Just take care of the lad, and come see me tomorrow,” Killian said, repeating the same thing he said before. Emma nodded, and tried her hardest when he leaned in for a soft kiss that made her feel guilty all over again. He did care for her. It had been a long time since she’d had anyone who had. She needed to start paying better attention, and treating him better.

When everyone was gone, Emma dropped onto the couch and pulled out her phone.  _‘Everyone’s gone. We have about two hours.’_

Nothing.

Just when Emma was starting to get nervous again, there were three brisk knocks on the front door. It figured Regina wouldn’t even send an ‘on my way’ text. It was a good thing Emma had thought to grab a few things off of the floor after firing off that last message. Running a hand through her hair, which she had taken out of the band she had thrown it up in that morning, Emma made her way to the door and pulled it open. Regina stood on the other side, looking regal as ever; the dress she wore clung to her figure, though it was oddly cinched, like Regina had thrown it on and not even bothered to straighten it. The deep purple brought out her skin tone, and the black tights led down to tall black heels. She looked just as she always would, like she hadn’t been gone for a month, but her eyes…

Emma was positive she had never seen such a haunted look. There were dark bags under her eyes, and they weren’t as bright with whatever emotion she was feeling. She looked defeated, and a bit scared. Emma wanted to throttle Robin Hood. He had drained one of the most put together women Emma had ever known into a lifeless corpse.

Wordless, Emma stepped aside, and Regina swept into the apartment without sparing a glance at her. Once the door was shut and locked, the blonde turned to look at Regina. She was staring around the living room, though it didn’t look like she was seeing anything. While Emma would have started asking questions right off the bat in any other case, something stopped her this time. Regina turned to face her, and Emma noticed how pale she had gotten.

“Are you…” Emma trailed off, knowing it was a stupid question. Regina was  _not_ okay. She looked undoubtedly sick, and her suspicion was confirmed when Regina shut her eyes, her hand lifting to her mouth as she took a slow breath. Emma moved forward, reaching out to help her onto the couch, but Regina lifted a hand to stop her. So instead of touching her, Emma hurried for the kitchen to get her water.

 _This isn’t right,_  Emma thought to herself as she dropped some ice cubes into a glass and filled it with water. ‘Are you okay’ wasn’t even the question she wanted to ask. More like ‘what the hell is going on’ or ‘why the hell do you look so sick?’ She had a feeling these questions were going to be answered either way. There was  _some_ reason Regina was here, and she could see quite clearly now that it was  _not_ for sex.

When Emma got back to the living room with the water, Regina was perched on the edge of the couch, one hand pressed to her stomach as she stared at the coffee table in front of her. Now she just looked small, and the fear was present more than ever. She looked startled when the glass clinked on the table where Emma set it, and her eyes shot up to look at the blonde that was righting herself from bending.

“I need…” Regina began to say, but trailed off, looking instead at the water glass. Emma waited for a good three minutes, just looking at her, before speaking.

“What do you need?” she prompted. Regina glanced at her, then looked back at the glass of water.

“I need you to go to the drug store for me,” Regina said, words pronounced slow. “The one by the town line.” She was silent for another few moments, ignoring the befuddled look on Emma’s face. What she said next almost caused Emma to faint from lack of oxygen. “I need you to get me a pregnancy test.”

Holy shit. It was the lone thought Emma could come up with at that present moment as she stared at Regina in complete and total disbelief. When Regina looked at her, it was with a sharp, no-arguing expression, and even Emma couldn’t contend with it. Okay. Pregnancy test. She could do that.

“What,” Emma tried, and had to clear her throat to work out the hoarse tone she had picked up. “How did, how did you tell in your world if you were –“

“The methods of the Forest aren’t an option here,” Regina cut in, though Emma could tell she didn’t have a lot of conviction in the harshness of her diction. How could she? She was probably freaking the hell out over a pregnancy scare that might not be a scare, that might actually be –

Emma had to force herself to stop thinking. It shouldn’t be so shocking: Regina had raised Henry. But she hadn’t  _had_ Henry. Emma had done that part on her own. The blonde hadn’t considered Regina’s capability of getting pregnant, didn’t think it was possible for her to do so (which was ridiculous, she was just as much of a woman as any other). She was thinking so much again that she didn’t realize Regina was glaring hard at her.

“Emma,” Regina snapped, and the blonde returned to reality. Whenever Regina used her first name, she knew she was serious. And this was so far beyond serious that Emma wasn’t sure how to handle it.

_Fight or flight._

She wanted to run.

“Okay,” Emma said, nodding to make sure she had convinced herself. “Okay. I can…I’ll be right back.” She grabbed her jacket and pointed at the water. “Drink that,” she added. “You look really sick.” Regina glared again as Emma shot out the door.

It didn’t take as long as it should have. The speed limit was forgotten as Emma sped towards the small, twenty-four-hour drug shop out near the town line, just at the corner of the woods. It was a ridiculous place to put it; she’d always wondered why the owner had thought it was a good idea. It must have been for reasons like this that required a little more discretion. Emma couldn’t think of any gossip that involved visits to this place. She wasn’t fond of the idea of the owner thinking she was the one that was pregnant, but she knew she was going to have to suck it up and deal with it in this case.

She spent a few minutes in the women’s products aisle, scrolling through the options that were presented on the shelves. She couldn’t see a simple pregnancy test from a drug store being good enough for Regina fucking Mills, but whatever floated the Queen’s boat was what Emma was going to go with. What if she was pregnant? What the hell did she intend on doing then? Robin was leaving, for God’s sake. Maybe he’d reconsider…maybe he’d stay…

With a soft growl of annoyance, Emma snatched one of the most trustworthy looking boxes from the shelf and headed for check out. As expected, the owner gave her a startled look, which she returned with only a pointed stare. She wouldn’t claim it wasn’t for her; Regina would murder her if she told  _anyone_ about this, and she surprised herself by wanting to stay in Regina’s good graces over this. The woman had trusted her enough to come to her and ask her for this. Regina  _never_ let personal information leak into  _anything._ Emma must have done something right.

Snatching the plastic bag off of the counter once she had paid, Emma hurried out of the store and back into her car. She had been gone for about fifteen minutes, and she knew Regina was climbing the walls by now. So, yet again, the speed limit was ignored, and Emma was back home in record time. As expected, Regina was up pacing, impatience etched in every step she took. She had taken her heels off and was padding around barefoot along the floor, her hands clenching and unclenching as she closed her eyes and opened them. When she realized Emma was there, was quick to compose herself. It had been too late, and she knew it; Emma had seen her obsessing.

Not speaking, Emma held out the bag to her. Regina snatched it and turned, shooting up the steps towards Emma’s room. Well, at least she was using Emma’s private bathroom instead of the general bathroom downstairs. She waited a few minutes before picking up Regina’s shoes and water glass, carrying them upstairs to her bedroom, where she deposited the shoes in front of her bed and the glass on the bedside table. Even as close to the bathroom as she was, she couldn’t hear a thing on the other side. So she dropped onto the bed and tried to think of something other than Regina peeing on a stick, to absolutely no avail.

It was taking forever. Regina had been in there for close to thirty minutes, and Emma wasn’t sure if checking on her was worth her life. She was halfway to deciding it was when the door clicked open, and Regina stepped out, ashen faced and shaking. Emma’s stomach dropped. Uh oh. What did one say to someone they had been on a hate-but-still-civil level with when they found out they were pregnant? Instead of making herself sound like an idiot, she just stayed silent as Regina shut the bathroom door and leaned on it, her body weight giving out in that moment of clarity.

“No one can know.”

It had been a long stretch of silence, so when Regina spoke, Emma almost jumped off of the bed in surprise. She nodded; she hadn’t intended on saying anything anyway. “Of course,” she said softly. “I wouldn’t…” 

“I know you wouldn’t.” Regina’s voice was devoid of any kind of significant emotion. She was silent again for a while before a harsh, bitter laugh escaped her. “Can you imagine…what this town is going to say when they find out about this?”

Was this an invitation to talk? To give her opinion? Something told her no, that Regina was just speaking out loud for the sake of hearing the reality of it. Emma took a moment to think, though, because if anyone was going to give Regina a voice of reason, she wanted it to be her.

“I don’t think you care what everyone is going to think,” Emma said. “I think you’re afraid of what Robin’s going to think.” It had been a long shot to voice that. It got half of the reaction Emma expected: Regina tensed up, jaw clenched, and she shut her eyes to reel in the bought of anger. But she didn’t explode. She exhaled hard, and before Emma knew it, there were three tears streaking her cheeks, and Emma couldn’t just sit there anymore.

Pushing herself off of the bed, Emma crossed the room to Regina, her hand gentle as it took her upper arm. “Hey,” she said, pulling her from the door. “Sit down.” Her own shock was pushed to the back of her brain, more focus going into getting Regina in control of herself. She was glad when Regina followed without a fight, and they both sunk onto the mattress next to each other, Emma with her leg curled up on the mattress so she could face the brunette. “Are you going to tell him?”

Regina snorted, eyes opening. “Do I have a choice?”

Emma was silent for a moment. “Yes,” she said. “You do have a choice.” Regina glanced at her, and Emma continued. “Neal didn’t know he was Henry’s father until a year ago. I never even tried to make him aware of it. It’s completely up to you how you deal with this situation.”

Lifting her hands, Regina wiped at her eyes, then let out another harsh exhale. “I’ll have to see a doctor,” she said, all business all the sudden. The change was making Emma dizzy.

“I can call Whale if you –“

“No,” Regina snapped, turning a glare on Emma again. “No one in this town can know.”

Emma frowned. “Then how do you expect to…” she trailed off when it hit her. “Oh.” She paused, letting the information sink in. _“Oh.”_

“I assume you know some adequate doctors in Boston?” Regina asked, reaching down to slide her heels on. Her walls had gone up, and Emma wanted to bust them back down with everything she had, but what the hell was she supposed to do when Regina was this far gone?

“Regina,” Emma said. “How do you expect to go see a doctor in Boston? Didn’t you ever think…what if the baby has magic?”

That brought Regina to a pause. “Then I suppose I’ll deal with it then,” Regina said, still short. When she stood, she grabbed the glass of water, took a large drink, and then handed it to Emma. And then she stood staring at the blonde in silence for what seemed like eternity before speaking again. “Thank you.”

Emma could only stare at Regina’s back as she left the room and headed down the steps to escape. Emma was fucked. She was the only one that knew about this, and she had a feeling this was going to be the end of her sanity.

 


	2. THE RIGHT THING TO DO (AND ALL THE WRONG CHOICES)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to avoid getting everyone worked up and then disappointed in the end, this is not a SQ baby. I, personally, am not into those kinds of stories, which makes it difficult for me to write. Aside from that, the point in making Regina pregnant was to test Emma and Regina against a situation that they didn’t necessarily get into together, but need to work around to get to where we all want them to be. This is going to be slow burn as fuck, and a VERY long story. Please bear with me, especially since I’m trying to make every chapter at least 7500 words. CAPTAIN SWAN AND A BIT OF OUTLAW QUEEN PRESENT IN THIS CHAPTER – this is the chapter OQ goes down in flames, however.

Knowing what to expect because Emma’s specialty after that night. If she had expected anything, it hadn’t been Regina’s sudden willingness to be nicer. Maybe that wasn’t the word; Regina and nice didn’t go hand in hand, and they never would. But she was off Emma’s back about paperwork, letting her turn it in when finished it. Emma was catching up, for once, and within a week, she had a hefty stack of folders on her desk that were complete and ready to go back to the Mayor’s office. She was even thinking about volunteering herself to help sort it all out. There was a lot, after all. But if Emma knew Regina, all the paperwork was going to be a blessing in disguise. An excuse to not deal with anything else.

Emma had promised herself from the beginning that she wasn’t going to let Regina ignore what was happening. She hadn’t brought it up to her again, and she wouldn’t; not until she found a proper doctor for Regina to see. But this wasn’t going to turn into some party of denial. Nine months was a long time to pretend like there wasn’t a living thing growing in Regina’s body. Emma had heard of a few women who hadn’t known they were pregnant until they were in labor, and Emma wouldn’t put it past Regina to try to claim that when the baby was finally pushing its way out of her uterus.

Emma had just gotten all of the files sorted out and packed up when her phone rang. Picking it up from her desk, she glanced at the ID and both brows flew up. “Looks like you’re getting better at finding that Emma button,” she said into the phone as a greeting, a smile pulling at her lips. The huff of laughter and disbelief came through the phone loud and clear.

“You doubt me, love. Told you I’d get used to your strange contraption.”

“I’ll believe you’re used to it when I see you dialing a phone number instead of using the speed dial,” Emma replied, and laughed at the confused silence on the other end. “That’s what I thought.”

“Ha ha,” Killian drawled. “You’re at the station, aye?”

“Yeah,” Emma replied. She opened her mouth to tell him she was just about to leave, but faltered when she realized that wouldn’t go over well. It was early. He was probably calling about a late lunch. “What’s up?”

“Mind if I stop by?” Killian asked. “I’ve not seen you these past couple weeks. I promise to keep my hook to myself,” he added, tone devious. It made Emma roll her eyes, but she was still smiling.

“I have to drop some stuff off at town hall, so we can’t be long,” Emma said. “But yeah. Come on over. I could use the company.”

“Excellent,” Killian replied. “I’ll see you soon, love.”

Emma hung up the phone, happy to realize she was looking forward to seeing him. It was a lot better than the constant guilt she felt towards him lately. She was trying. Maybe she wouldn’t be touching Regina again anytime soon…Though it didn’t make thoughts of a baby pushing its way out of her any easier.

She was finishing her cleanup of the station when Killian arrived, holding a single flower in his only hand. She wouldn’t pretend to know what kind of flower it was; it was beautiful, and it was purple, and that was all she cared about. When he extended it to her, Emma took it with a smile, bringing it to her nose and sniffing once before taking a step forward and leaning up to meet him for a soft kiss. “Hey,” she said when they parted, and he looked comfortable again.

“Hi love,” Killian responded.

Thoughts of Regina and her pregnancy went out the window while she enjoyed company she had been rejecting for too long. Sometimes she forgot that she felt safe with Killian, and that on a certain level, he did make her happy. He was good to talk to, and he was a lot more understanding than she deserved. She was laughing most of the time they spoke, and her plans changed from stopping by town hall to leaving the station with Killian for dinner.

He wasn’t into a lot of spectacle. Emma wasn’t, either. They were both happy relaxing on the docks with sandwiches between them, Emma smirking while he struggled to keep his from falling apart with one hand. He had known what a sandwich was, but the contents were different for him in this world. Emma had given him a whole history lesson on meats and cheeses of the modern world, and by the time she was done, he looked dizzy with confusion. But the sparkle of new knowledge was there in his eyes, and that was all Emma could ask for when it came down to it. It wasn’t until they were tangled up together on the dock in a heated, spontaneous make-out session that she started to lose her interest again. She was trying; she really was. At most, this was helping her forget about the things that were causing her too much stress. But when it came down to it, the guilt was too strong, and when he reached up her shirt, she snatched his hand away and parted from the kiss.

She wasn’t sure what she had been expecting from the rejection, but it wasn’t the silence she was receiving. Part of her was thankful; she didn’t want to talk about it. The other part wondered what he was thinking. She wasn’t good at showing her physical desire for him when times like this happened upon them (perhaps because she didn’t have said physical desire anymore), and she knew he wasn’t stupid. He had to notice it. But if he did, he didn’t say anything about it: he never did. He settled the hand she had yanked away on her hip, and pressed back into another deep kiss, which she accepted with gratitude enough to put forth effort enough to make up for what they wouldn’t be doing. When it got dark enough that Emma couldn’t see in front of her, she stood from the dock and straightened herself out, made her usual half promise to see him soon, and left.

When she got home to find Regina waiting for her in the parking lot, Emma cursed to herself. They were going to have to talk, but she wasn’t prepared to do it that night. She wasn’t sure Regina was here for the kind of talking that involved their relations; she probably wanted to know if Emma had found a doctor. But the blonde knew that the more she kept pretending like things weren’t bothering her, the deeper she was going to spiral into insanity before she couldn’t take it anymore. Shutting her car off, she stepped out at the same time that Regina stepped from her Mercedes. Circling the vehicle, Emma leaned against the passenger door, arms folded around herself. At least Regina looked a bit better than the past few times Emma had seen her.

“How are you feeling?” Emma asked before Regina could speak. Dark eyes narrowed on green, and Emma saw it coming before Regina could get her mouth open.

“Contrary to what you may believe, Miss Swan, your knowledge of my…condition…does not mean that I need you looking after my wellbeing,” Regina said. “It will get quite annoying, quite fast.”

“Alright then,” Emma muttered. “No showing concern. Got it.”

“Have you found a doctor?”

_I swear this woman is bipolar,_ Emma thought to herself, just refraining from rolling her eyes. How did Regina expect her not to be concerned or considerate when she was the one that was arranging a doctor and a way out to Boston in the first place? Who the hell, in Regina’s position, would prefer silent concern to someone trying to look out for them?

“I’ve got the numbers for two,” Emma replied. “Pretty high end practices. I’m calling both tomorrow to check availability.”

Regina nodded as Emma spoke, eyes averted just past the Savior’s head. “Make an appointment for Monday,” she said. Tomorrow was Friday, which meant Emma was going to have to go through hell to get everything sorted, and come up with a good enough excuse as to why she was going to Boston with Regina Mills.  All of this was the exact reason she was so put off as of late; it shouldn’t have been a race to cover everything up. But it had been since this started, she realized, and she wasn’t sure she could keep it up. Not like this.

“Henry wants to see you tomorrow,” Regina said after a drawn-out silence between them that began to feel awkward. “He is staying with a friend for the weekend. He requested your presence for dinner before he leaves.” The look of distaste when she said it told Emma what the blonde was already thinking: Regina had no desire to have Emma over as a dinner guest. But what Henry wanted, he almost always got. Emma had half a mind to turn down the offer, just to save Regina the annoyance, but knew she would get lectured for being inconsiderate of their son’s wishes.

“Sure,” Emma said, arms hugging herself a bit tighter. “I’m almost finished with the rest of the paperwork I was behind on, so I have some free time.” Regina looked a bit impressed with that, raising a brow. “What?” Emma asked “Things get done when you let me do them on my own time,” she pointed out. Regina rolled her eyes.

“Six o’clock,” was all Regina said as she turned to open her car door. “Don’t be late.”

“Regina,” Emma said as Regina made to climb into her Mercedes. The brunette paused, turning to raise a brow at Emma again in question. “Why didn’t you just call?”

Regina paused, frowning, looking like she was wondering the same thing. After a moment, she turned back to climb into the car. “Good night, Miss Swan.” With that, she shut the door, turned over the engine, and pulled off into the night.

***

The suspicious look Snow gave her when Emma descended the steps in black pants and a plunging black blouse was enough to send her into a silent panic. She wasn’t meaning anything by dressing like that; she just knew that Regina wouldn’t appreciate having invited Emma to dinner to have her show up in jeans and a tank top. Sure, it was dinner with their kid, but it was at Regina’s house. Oddly enough, if it were the other way around, it wouldn’t have been as large of a deal.

“Date with Killian?” Snow asked as Emma sat down in a chair in the kitchen to pull on a pair of black boots. _And here it goes,_ Emma thought to herself as she turned to face her mother.

“Dinner at Regina’s,” she said. “Henry’s wants me to come over before he goes to his friend’s for the weekend.” When Snow just stared at her, Emma shrugged. “I don’t know. But I’m not going to say no.”

“Why are you so dressed up?”

“Um, because it’s Regina,” Emma pointed out. “For once, I don’t feel like listening to her complain that I showed up in a tank top to eat in her house.”

She could tell Snow wasn’t buying it, even though Emma wasn’t lying. She supposed that was what happened when one lied so much: the truth didn’t sound convincing. When had she become so dishonest? It was a habit she was going to have to break, and soon. Picking up her jacket, Emma pulled open the door. “Bye,” she said to Snow, who nodded at her as she moved to shut the door behind Emma.

The surprised raise of Regina’s brows when Emma followed Henry into the kitchen upon arrival wasn’t lost on her. She would have smirked if the kid wasn’t there when Regina’s eyes dropped right to her chest, eyeing the plunge in Emma’s shirt. The brunette was quick to catch herself, however, and lifted her eyes back to Emma as she finished filling plates with some of the best-looking lasagna Emma had ever seen. She hadn’t gotten to try any back at the party that was thrown a couple of years ago, after Regina had saved Emma and Snow and brought them back to Storybrooke from the Enchanted Forest. She was excited to be trying it that night, even if it was something she had no intention to admit out loud.

“You’re early,” Regina said, turning to place the tray of leftover lasagna in the oven to stay warm.

“Not really,” Emma said with a shrug. “It’s ten to six.” Okay, so she was early. She wasn’t thinking about the time when she left the house. Besides, it was always better to be early when it came to Regina.

“Henry, set the table,” Regina said as she took off the oven mitts attached to her hands and placed them in an open drawer. As Henry moved to pick up the full plates and take them into the dining room, Emma stepped up to the island in the center of the kitchen, taking a quick glance around. It wasn’t the first time she had been in here, but she couldn’t help feeling a bit overwhelmed by how nice it was. She had never gotten anything like this. She had done well for herself in Boston, but _never_ like this.

“Can I help?” Emma asked after a moment, more to get her mind off her own misfortune than any sort of consideration. They might have an odd relationship, but Emma still had manners. Even if they were forced.

“Everything is finished,” Regina replied. “Help Henry set the table, if you wish. Or pour the drinks.”

Emma nodded, making her way to the glasses set out on the other end of the island.She picked them up and carried them to the counter by the refrigerator. “What do you want?” she asked as she opened it, peering in to see the options. She was surprised to find it empty of wines and ciders.  _Must be pretty serious about keeping it, then,_ she thought as she reached for a pitcher of water for herself, and a jug of orange juice for Henry.

“Apple juice,” Regina replied, a bit absent.

Emma retrieved the apple juice hidden in the back of the fridge and set it with the pitcher and the carton on the counter. She began filling the glasses, subtle as she watched Regina unwrap the apron from her waist to reveal a pair of black, cotton pants that sat comfortable as opposed to the intent to intimidate. Judging by how unwell Regina had looked that night at Emma’s apartment, Emma wondered if those wool dress pants were a little too constricting lately, making her uncomfortable. It was too early in the pregnancy for Regina to be showing, but if she was anything like Emma had been, the bloating had already begun.

Once the glasses were poured with the appropriate contents, Emma picked them up and followed Regina into the dining room. It was alarming how natural all of this seemed to be coming to her. It didn’t feel as awkward as she had expected it to. It wasn’t perfect; Regina seemed withdrawn, like she had to retreat into herself just to handle having Emma in her house for any reason other than fucking her against a door. But it was still far less tense than Emma expected it to be, and as she set the glasses down in their respective places, she made note to get the hell out as soon as they were finished eating and she had spent adequate time with Henry. She would invite him over for a few days after he got back from his friends or something, but there was no way she was staying longer than she needed to.

***

The night hadn’t gone as awful as Emma expected. Henry babbled on all through dinner, saving Emma and Regina the trouble of having to keep up civility. When they were finished, he begged a reluctant Emma to stay for video games. She only caved after his friend called and told him that they would be by to get him later than planned. Once Regina finished cleaning up the kitchen and dining room, she entered the living room and looked horrified by the fact that Emma had made herself at home, boots kicked off in front of the coffee table and legs curled up on the couch next to her as she focused on the game with her controller. Emma herself wasn’t lost on the fact that she had made herself at home, but what else could she do?

The blonde discovered that Regina was hiding her wine in her office after the brunette entered the living room with a bottle and a glass in her hand. Henry had gone upstairs to finish packing his weekend bag; Emma had learned that the alcohol didn’t come out until Henry left the room. And when Emma leveled Regina with a stern glare, brown eyes gave a harsh roll.

“It isn’t for me,” Regina drawled. Pulling the cork free, she filled the glass, then handed it to Emma. “A host isn’t gracious if she isn’t offering post dinner relaxation.”

By the time Henry’s friend arrived to pick him up, Emma was relaxed against the couch with a pleasant buzz. She had the sneaking suspicion that Regina had done it on purpose to get her to stay, though she couldn’t imagine why. She was always outright when she wanted to have sex; she never went as far as pouring alcohol down Emma’s throat to ensure her company for the night. But she figured she was just being paranoid, because the conversation between the two was strained at best, and Emma found she needed that little bit of a buzz to keep from squirming and bolting.

“I should go,” Emma said when Henry was finally out the door, swinging her legs from the couch to slip her feet back into her boots. As she stood, she was surprised when Regina advanced on her, arms settling around her hips to pull her in for a kiss. And as much as Emma’s brain was screaming at her, she could never resist it when Regina was the one initiating the kissing; it was so rare, and Emma had some kind of obsession with the woman’s lips. She found herself pressing deeper, her arms winding around Regina’s neck so her fingers could bury in her hair, forcing her head to change angle to get deeper. She heard the growl of protest that Regina always let out when Emma tried to control a situation, but didn’t let up on her hold. It wasn’t until the former Queen was grabbing at Emma’s shirt and attempting to yank it over her head that Emma pulled away and took a step back.

“Regina, I don’t…” Sighing, Emma took a deep breath and tried again. “Maybe we should stop…”

She didn’t know what she was expecting, but silence was not it. And the look on Regina’s face was astonished; maybe even a bit hurt. She looked completely taken off guard, and Emma couldn’t blame her. It wasn’t like she had been hinting at a desire to put an end to this in the past. But things were on such different tracks that all she thought was maybe they were hurting everyone now.

“The pirate,” Regina said when she regained her thoughts, her voice cold. “You love him.”

“No,” Emma said, pushing a hand through her loose hair. “I don’t. At all. But I do like him, and he likes me…and I don’t find that often.” Shaking her head, she continued, “But that’s not why. You’re pregnant, Regina…with Robin’s kid. Do you really think he’s going to leave you after finding out? You should…you should focus on him…”

“Oh yes, I should focus on Robin Hood and his _code of honor_ ,” Regina snarled, startling Emma. “Have you forgotten that Marian is pregnant as well? I think you and I both know that a child with the other woman isn’t going to mean a thing to him.”

Emma’s head was shaking again. This buzz was throwing her thoughts off, but she refused to let the woman walk away from something that could be good for her. “If he loves you, Regina, he’ll rethink leaving,” she said. “He’ll help both of you. That _is_ possible, and it’s the right –“

The sudden ring of the doorbell brought Emma to a pause, brows furrowing. Regina looked just as confused; she glanced towards the hallway leading to the foyer, then at Emma, almost suspicious; like Emma had invited someone over without Regina’s knowledge. Which was ridiculous, but Emma wouldn’t put it past Regina to start throwing accusations.

“Stay here,” Regina snapped after a moment, then swept out of the room. Emma’s curiosity got the better of her, however; she didn’t leave the room, but she did inch towards the entryway, straining to hear anything she could from her position as the door opened, and voices sounded.

_Shit!_ Emma thought, frantic, when Robin Hood’s voice carried through the hall and reached Emma’s ears. She should have expected this. She had way overstayed her welcome; how did she know that Robin didn’t come over every night? It was like Graham all over again; waiting until Henry was asleep or gone so they could fuck like animals. She was ignoring the fact that it was Emma herself that had taken Graham’s place, but it still occurred to her that the exact same thing could be happening between Regina and Robin.

 When Regina stepped aside to let Robin in, Emma cursed under her breath and reeled away from the entryway, out of sight of the foyer. This wasn’t good. What the hell was Regina doing, bringing him in here while Henry was gone? Sure, they were trying to come off as civil as possible to the outside world, but they weren’t _friends_. There was no excuse for Emma to be in Regina’s living room, buzzed from some very expensive wine and Henry nowhere in sight. She held her breath and shut her eyes as she heard footsteps down the hallway, waiting for them to enter the room and for the questioning to start.

It never happened.

With a deep breath, Emma opened her eyes, gazing at the empty living room entry in trepidation. When she heard nothing, she inched forward again, peeking around the corner and down the hallway to find Regina opening the door to her study, Robin close behind her. She stepped aside to let him in first, turning her head to look towards the living room when he had disappeared from Emma’s sight. The look she gave Emma screamed _STAY PUT_ , but there was that hint of fear and resignation that made Emma’s stomach twist into knots.

Regina was going to tell Robin. With Emma in the next room.

She should run. Get the hell out of there before the explosion, before she got caught in Regina’s living room just after Regina broke the news about being pregnant. This whole situation just screamed _affair_ , and Emma didn’t want anything to do with the fallout. _Should have thought of that before you got yourself into this in the first place,_ the voice in the back of her head whispered through the haze of alcohol. _You gave into selfishness, and now look where it got you._

Taking a slow breath, Emma stepped into the hallway, movements cautious as she neared the study. She was getting the hell out of there. She was getting the hell out before she got wrapped up in something she didn’t belong in, that was none of her business, that –

The sound of a sudden aggressive tone from the study brought Emma to a halt. The door was cracked, and while Emma didn’t step too close, she could still hear snippets of conversation from the other side.

“Do you think I _planned_ for –“

“-did this on purpose! You knew I was leaving, knew I made my choice –“

“This wasn’t even supposed to be _possible!”_

“ – _not_ my responsibility –“

When she heard movement towards the door, Emma turned and fled back to the living room. She was livid; how could he talk to someone like that!? Someone that was carrying his child, that he had started a sexual relationship with knowing what could happen. This was opposite of what Emma had expected, and it infuriated her that he would just abandon Regina with accusations and no consideration. It reminded her too much of being in prison, learning she was facing a pregnancy that she would be going through alone. Regina didn’t deserve that. _No one_ deserved that.

Emma looked around the corner to see Robin heading for the front door, and it took everything in Emma not to storm after him and punch him in the face. When the front door slammed, Emma flinched, her eyes closing as her hands balled into tight fists. She had no idea how long she stood like that, but it couldn’t have been long. Regina was storming from her a few moments later, all but running into the living room. The anger rolling off her was suffocating.

“ _Fuck_ the doctor,” Regina snarled. “Call a clinic. Make an appointment. I want in _tomorrow_.”

Emma’s eyes widened, her mouth gaping open. “I…Regina, are you…”

“Tomorrow,” Regina repeated, still snarling. “Get out.”

“Are you –“

“ _GET OUT!”_

Sucking in a breath, Emma moved around Regina and headed towards the front door. She had never seen Regina like this, and she had seen her angry before. This was different; the anger was apparent, but she was pouring pain along with it. Her eyes looked haunted; her form rigid, as if to battle off physical pain. And if she was in the mindset to want a clinic…

Emma wasn’t sure it was her place to tell Regina whether or not she should get an abortion. But she hoped beyond all hope that, whatever decision she settled on, she wouldn’t regret it later.

***

She got up early the next morning despite being up half of the night researching clinics online. She didn’t understand why she was so intent on being helpful, though there was the deep part of her that knew it was because she understood how it felt. Maybe not the specific situation Regina was in, but she knew how it felt to lack support during the roughest of times. No matter how lucky Emma was in recent times, she had to go through a lot of hell to get there, and she wasn’t going to make Regina to deal with all of this on her own.

It wasn’t until the appointment was made, and Emma was getting ready to go get Regina, that Snow knocked on Emma’s bedroom door. The blonde had known from the start that this was going to be a difficult conversation to have. She wasn’t going to lie this time, but she wasn’t going to reveal any of Regina’s business, either. Remind Snow that Emma was an adult, and get out. Simple as that.

“Come in,” Emma called as she finished tying her hair up. The door opened, and Snow poked her head inside. Her hopeful look faded to disappointment when she realized Emma was getting ready to leave. Emma swore she gave her that look on purpose sometimes, just to guilt Emma for having a life, or for not being focused on having parents alone. She knew, though, that she was going to have to start making more of an effort soon. She had been looking for her parents for her whole life. This was what she wanted, and now she needed to prove it.

“You’re not going to be here for breakfast?” Snow asked, timid. Emma bit back a sigh and glanced at the time.

“Is it ready? I can spare about fifteen minutes.”

Snow looked ecstatic.

***

Regina looked terrible when she got into Emma’s Bug. The blonde was positive that she hadn’t slept since throwing Emma out: there were heavy bags under her red eyes, eyes that kept drifting closed after she sat down. She didn’t say anything to Emma; just folded her jacket around herself and sunk down into the seat.

“We’ve got a long drive,” Emma said, keeping her voice quiet as she pulled onto the road. “Try to get some sleep.” Regina didn’t reply, but she did listen to Emma; she was asleep before they even got out of Storybrooke. Emma was thankful; she wasn’t sure she could sit through a long car ride with a conscious Regina, attempting to entertain each other while resisting the urge to throttle. Emma didn’t do small talk during car rides, anyway; get in and get there. That was all.

Regina didn’t stir until they reached the border of Massachusetts. Emma held her breath, waiting for any kind of reaction from the woman. She at least looked a little better when Emma glanced at her out of the corner of her eye; her eyes weren’t red anymore, though the bags were still present. She looked a lot calmer, though not put together. She was still wrapped up in her jacket and slumped down in the front seat, like she was hiding from the world. When all she did was stare out the window, Emma tried her luck.

“The clinic is private,” she said. “No one is allowed in when a procedure is happening. You have some space.”

“No clinic,” Regina said, her voice heavy. “Doctor.” Emma blinked. Wasn’t that the whole reason they were coming out here, was for a clinic appointment?

“Um,” Emma said dumbly. “I…okay. I’m….not sure I can get you into anything today, though. You aren’t scheduled for a doctor.”

“Hotel, then,” Regina said, sounding tired all over again. “Try to get me in on Monday.”

“What about Henry?”

“I already talked to his friend’s parents,” Regina responded. “They’re willing to keep him as long as they need to. I told them Tuesday, in case anything happened.”

“Did you tell them what’s going on?” Emma asked, hesitant. Regina snorted.

“Of course not, idiot.” 

Well, it sounded like Regina had planned that one out well enough. Maybe she was doing more work than Emma was giving her credit for.

As she continued into Boston, Emma wondered what all of this meant. Had Regina reconsidered the abortion? Or was she just going for a general check in for her health before making that decision? Emma couldn’t believe how much she hoped for the former option. It wasn’t her baby, but for the first time since this situation came to light, Emma was wondering if it would be good for Regina. It was a different path, and maybe it could push her in the direction she had always been fighting to get to. And maybe Emma could help. Maybe –

_Holy shit, stop,_ Emma scolded herself. She shouldn’t be thinking about this at all. She might be helping Regina with the logistics, but she had no say in anything else, no right to be making her own opinion. What Regina did with that kid was between her and Robin. Or, from the sound of it, it was between Regina and herself. She swore there that she wouldn’t think about it any further than she needed to anymore, and shut her brain off until they were in the parking lot of a semi decent looking hotel. Nice enough to keep Regina quiet, but not too heavy on Emma’s budget. She was surprised when Regina shoved her card at the receptionist, forcing her way past Emma’s handful of cash.

Once they were checked in, Regina locked herself in the bathroom, and Emma went about calling doctors she had gotten the numbers of several days prior. It was already midafternoon, but she somehow managed to get Regina an appointment with one of her top choices for that day. It was a good fifteen-minute drive, and the appointment was in thirty minutes, so Emma knocked on the bathroom door once she had hung up the phone.

“Go away,” came Regina’s strangled voice. Concern immediately kicked Emma in the gut.

“Are you okay?” she called through the door.

“Go. Away.”

“Regina, let me in.”

There was silence on the other side, and she knew Regina was ignoring her at this point. “Regina, you have an appointment at five,” she called through the door. “We have to go. Do you want some water?” No response. Sighing, Emma made her way out to the vending machine anyway, returning with two bottles of water. Regina was seated on the edge of one of the beds, one hand pressed to her stomach and her eyes closed. At least she had come out of the bathroom, Emma thought. She had started to wonder if she was going to have to force her way in.

“Hey,” Emma said as she sat down next to her and offered her both bottles. Regina took both, setting one on the floor and opening the other one. Emma could tell that she was still upset with her for the other night; for suggesting that they didn’t continue with their arrangement. But the fact that she had come all the way out here with her meant that she had to trust Emma. Right? She liked to think so, because as much animosity as there was between them, she wasn’t sure she could handle Regina not trusting her.

“Where is the appointment?” Regina asked after taking a slow, long drink of the water. She had gone from looking better in the car to looking worse than she had when she had first gotten in it. Emma knew all of this stress couldn’t be good for her health.

“It’s about fifteen minutes from here,” Emma said. “We can come back here after so you can sleep. I’m feeling nice, so I’ll pick up dinner and everything.” She was teasing, though she did intend to pick up dinner. They were in the part of Boston she knew well, and there were plenty of restaurants around that she knew Regina wouldn’t mind food from. Emma wouldn’t lie; she missed the fuck out of Boston burgers.

Regina snorted at the suggestion, but didn’t argue. She finished the bottle of water, picked up the second, and stood to her feet, giving Emma the _‘Well?’_ look before heading for the door. Even pregnant and moody, Regina still pulled off looking like she owned life as they all knew it. Emma only shook her head with a soft smile before pushing herself to her feet and following her out.

***

Emma was certain that she had never experienced anything more awkward than sitting in the waiting room of a doctor’s office with Regina Mills. It took everything in her not to fidget, and she was obsessing in silence over the absolute insanity of the situation. She knew that Regina noticed; the looks the former Queen was shooting her could have burned a hole straight through Emma if she were using magic. As hard as she tried, however, the blonde couldn’t seem to get rid of that awkward feeling. She was suffocating on her own anxiety by the time the receptionist called Regina’s name.

As Regina stood from the seat next to her, Emma wondered if she should offer to go back with her. She decided against it as soon as the thought crossed her mind. There was no way Regina was going to be comfortable with that, and Emma herself was uncomfortable enough as it was. Regina made that clear by gliding forward without even looking at Emma, and followed an assistant into the back of the office. Now all Emma had to do was wait, and she could handle that better than sitting next to Regina with the knowledge of the woman being pregnant with Robin Hood’s child.

The thought of that man still sent a pang of anger flooding through Emma. She couldn’t believe he had accused Regina of doing this on purpose, just to keep him from leaving Storybrooke. Regina had been devastated over Robin, but Emma was sure she wouldn’t go to that extent to get him to stay.

It made sense, if she thought about it; Regina had been manipulative in the past. She knew Robin was a man of honor, and would always stand by his choices and mistakes. He was standing by Marian in her pregnancy. Maybe Regina figured he would stay, keep Marian with him, but eventually choose Regina as a life partner. It _did_ sound like something the Evil Queen would do.

But would Regina?

Emma didn’t like to think so. Regina had taken too many steps by now to redeem herself. She wasn’t that selfish anymore. But then, the entire time she had been with Robin, she had been sleeping with Emma, unwilling to give up something that had been so familiar to her for years. Emma knew that much about Regina; when something was familiar, she held on for dear life.

Emma’s thought track shifted to her own life, and how she was doing the same thing to Killian. She was being selfish. She had someone that liked her, maybe even loved her, but she couldn’t let go of the safety net she had built with the woman that had just walked through that office door. Because in the end, she knew that Regina was the only constant in her life, other than their son. The only one that hadn’t used her, then tossed her away like she hadn’t been worth a thing. Sure, maybe that was the long term plan, but so far, Emma didn’t see it happening. She didn’t see the desire there for it to happen. With a sigh, Emma dropped her head into her hands, eyes closing. She was going to have to talk to Killian.

It felt like forever that the blonde waited alone in the small lobby, though it had to have been thirty minutes at the most. Once her brain had gotten off the topic of Regina’s personality and the fact that she had to straighten her life out, it had moved on to the baby in Regina’s stomach. Would Regina keep it? If she did, what would this mean for her? Would she even be able to carry it to term? If Emma was doing her math right, Regina had to have been in her sixties. The curse may have slowed down time, but it didn’t slow down the progression of her insides…did it? And what had Regina said in the study about it not being possible? By the time Regina stepped out from the back of the office and handed the receptionist payment for the visit, Emma was back to obsessing. This time, she did a better job of hiding it.

“Ready?” Emma asked as Regina approached her and picked up her coat, folding it over one arm. All she did was nod in response, so Emma stood up and led her from the building. She had vowed that she wasn’t going to ask any questions, no matter how curious she was; this was Regina’s private business, and she had no right trying to get involved. The only thing Regina had asked her for was to make her a doctor’s appointment and take her to it. Nothing else. Other than be there for the damn confrontation with Robin, but that didn’t mean anything (at least, that was what she told herself).

Regina was in the car before Emma even reached the driver side door, causing Emma to blink in confusion. Well then. Someone was in a rush. Opening the door, she climbed in and closed it behind her, remaining quiet as she started the car and pulled from the parking space. She was halfway to the hotel when the woman next to her finally snorted, keeping her eyes out the passenger window as she spoke.

“I’m surprised you haven’t piled me with questions,” Regina said, voice flat. “You have a tendency of _not_ keeping your nose out of my business in any other situation.”

_She must be feeling just fine,_ Emma thought, rolling her eyes. The insults were back, even if they lacked their usual sniping tone.

“It’s none of my business,” Emma said. “If you want to tell me, you will. I only shove my nose in your business if it involves me or Henry, and you won’t let me in on it,” she added with a dark glance out of the corner of her eye. It was Regina’s turn to roll her eyes.

“We should go home tomorrow,” Regina said, looking back out of the window. “I’d _hate_ to keep you from your pirate.”

“You know, I’m starting to think you’re jealous,” Emma threw back at her without thinking. That was the second comment Regina had made about Killian since Emma suggested they stopped sleeping together, and the blonde didn’t see an end in sight. It was bad enough Emma was going to have to break up with him; she didn’t need Regina making it worse by slamming him behind his back.

“ _Jealous?_ ” Regina countered, her head whipping around to look at Emma with something close to disbelief. “My dear, you’ve been in my bed since _before_ you started seeing him. And you haven’t left it, even with him doting all over you and making eyes. I have no reason to be jealous. And even if you _had_ ended it when you first started seeing him, it is _none_ of my business.”

“Then why do you find the need to talk about him like he’s a threat?” Emma questioned.

“He’s not a threat,” Regina stated. “I don’t feel threatened by situations that were never serious in the first place.”

“Uh huh,” Emma drawled, glaring out the windshield now. “That’s why you sounded horrified and betrayed when I told you we shouldn’t do any of this anymore. Because you’re _so_ unbothered by the whole thing.” She couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth. Where had all of this come from? This fight was not meant to happen yet; the timing was terrible, and she hadn’t even gotten the chance to talk to Killian yet to see where they could stand with each other after he knew everything. She didn’t _care_ if Regina was jealous or not; she just wanted her to leave well enough alone.

“Yes, because instead of ending it with the one you think cares about you in the first place, that you’ve been _lying_ to, you end it with the one you’ve been running around with and potentially hurting someone over,” Regina snapped. “How immature. Do you _really_ believe that just ignoring what you’ve been doing is going to make your relationship perfect and pure again?”

“Do you?” Emma snarled, losing her patience. “Because if I remember correctly, while you were making eyes at Robin, you were sticking your tongue down my throat several times a week. Was _your_ relationship perfect and pure? Did _you_ feel guiltless for what you were doing?”

The silence was deadly. Guilt washed over Emma as soon as she said it, but she couldn’t let Regina keep throwing words at her that mirrored Regina’s own situation. But while she was expecting some kind of verbal attack, she didn’t expect Regina to close her eyes and growl, ”Stop the car.”

“What?” Emma asked, incredulous. “Are you serious?”

“Stop the goddamn car, or I’ll do it for you.”

That was the last thing they both needed, was for Regina to almost kill both of them using magic to control the Bug. Sighing, Emma pulled to the side of the road, and the brunette swung the door open.

“Regina, this isn’t Storybrooke,” Emma warned. “You’re not familiar here.” Her words were ignored. Regina stepped out of the car and flung the door shut behind her, and stomped off down the street. Sighing, Emma fell back against the seat, closing her eyes.

“Good going, Swan,” she muttered to herself. This was going to be an interesting one to clean up.

****

Going straight back to the hotel was out of the question, so Emma drove down to a pub she frequented when she lived out in Boston a few years ago. With a whiskey and some fries, she managed to pass a little time, but came up with no answer as to how she was going to approach this situation. Why did she even care?

_Because you brought the damn Evil Queen of legend out to a different state, and she has no clue where the hell she is or what she’s doing,_ Emma thought. Sure, Regina could probably figure it out, but the blonde had to wonder if she would want to. It hurt her head to even think about having to spend multiple hours in the car with her on the way back to Maine.

Halfway through her fries, Emma’s phone beeped. Sighing, she slipped the device from her pocket, and was surprised to find a text from Regina flashing on her screen. _If I were you, I’d come back to the hotel._

_What’s going on?_

_You’ll see._

Oh great. Regina had set up some elaborate trap to murder her. Just what Emma had always wanted in life. Sighing one more time, she threw down money for her order and a tip, and made her way outside to her car. It was a short drive, and she managed to spend most of it annoyed. It grew worse when she pulled into the parking lot and got out of the car. A few spots down, two figures leaned against a car. When Emma squinted, her stomach dropped, and dizziness hit her, followed by nausea. Killian stood with his arms folded, staring coldly at Emma as she stared back.

And Regina stood next to him, wearing the vindictive smirk that Emma hadn’t seen directed at her since she had first shown up in Storybrooke.

 

 


	3. SINKING SHIPS AND CHAOS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The patience you people have is astounding. And appreciated. I struggled a lot with this chapter, because I was trying to ensure I hit all the main points. I still think I missed some, but I’ll end up covering it in the next chapter. The biggest part of this chapter is to ensure that both Captain Swan and Outlaw Queen are dead. THIS CHAPTER IS NOT EDITED. I’ll end up editing it and replacing this chapter later on, but I won’t be changing events, so I figured it was okay to post this now. Thank you guys for waiting. Let me know how you’re feeling so far.

For a few drawn-out moments, Emma couldn’t tear her gaze away from the smirk plastered across Regina’s face. _How did she get him here so quickly?_ It didn’t make any sense. Killian had been all the way back in Storybrooke, and suddenly he was in Boston, standing next to the person Emma had apparently pissed off more than she thought she had? _Magic._ Regina could poof herself in and out of places: what was to say that she couldn’t do so for other people from afar?

“Killian,” Emma started, voice careful as she took a few steps towards them both. “What are you doing here?” _Dumb question, Swan._ If the look on his face told her anything, it was that he knew something that she hadn’t wanted him to know just yet. Regina told him something that Emma had wanted to tell him herself. She spared the brunette a harsh glare, earning only a head tilt and another smirk in response.

“I think the question, Swan, is what are _you_ doing at a hotel in Boston with the Evil Queen?” Killian snapped in response. His voice was defensive and angry; depending on what Regina had told him, he had every right to be. Hell, even if Regina _hadn’t_ told him anything and he had figured it out on his own, she couldn’t say anything…But Emma wasn’t going down without defending herself, even if she had no right.

“What did she tell you?” Emma asked, voice a lot firmer than she expected it to be. “Because she has a bad habit of _lying_ to make my life hell when she’s mad at me about something.” That much was true, at least. Regina did have a vindictive side larger than any Emma had seen before. But she also knew that she was just trying to buy herself some time to come up with an explanation. She hadn’t been prepared for this.

“Does it matter?” Killian replied, pushing himself from his leaning position against the car and taking a few steps towards her. “What should matter is what you’re _really_ doing here. And if you won’t answer that bloody question, then we have a problem.” Emma’s eyes narrowed on him a bit; so he wanted to play that game?

“I think we have a problem here anyway,” Emma said, folding her arms in front of herself. “How did you get here?”

“It doesn’t bloody matter how I got here!”

“Yes, it does,” Emma responded, making a very honest attempt at keeping her voice steady. No weakness. She couldn’t afford weakness in front of either of them. “Did she bring you here? What did she tell you?”

“I followed you here,” Killian finally said. “After yet another damn Regina excuse as to why you were unavailable, _leaving town_ this time, I decided it was time to confirm some suspicions I’ve been having for quite a while now. Look me in the eye and tell me I’m wrong.”

Emma had slowly begun to freeze up, staring at him cautiously. What was this? Was this some kind of trick? “I really don’t know what you’re talking about,” Emma said to him. “You’re going to have to be a little more specific. Wrong about _what_?” She knew damn well what, and she had no idea why she was trying so hard to avoid saying it out loud. She was supposed to have this conversation with him anyway; just not quite like this.

Regina, for her part, seemed satisfied with herself as she pushed off of the car and began walking towards the front door of the hotel. Emma spun on her and yelled. “ _Don’t even think about it!”_ Regina paused and turned to look at her, one brow lifted in what Emma supposed was amusement at her outburst. “You stay right there,” she continued. “I’m not done with you.” Turning back to Killian, Emma tried again. “Tell me what’s going on, and I can give you a better answer than this,” she said. He was all but frothing with rage by that point, which made Emma wonder just how worked up he had gotten himself. “How did you even follow us out here?”

“How long have you been sleeping with her?” Killian finally asked, face pinched with displeasure. Emma took a disarmed step backward, eyes widening a bit as she looked at him. “That’s right,” he continued. “I know. I’ve known for a long bloody time. You’re not quite good at hiding it when every damn emergency you get yourself distracted with is a Regina issue. How long?”

Emma swallowed, looking between him and Regina. The brunette was beginning to look a bit uncomfortable, but the amused glint was still in her eyes. The blonde’s jaw clenched, and she looked back to Killian. “Look, I – “

“Don’t lie!” Killian shouted suddenly, and Emma had to remind herself that taking another step back was going to show fear that she didn’t possess. “Don’t lie to me! How long?!”

Emma swallowed again, closing her eyes and counting to five. When she spoke again, her voice was quiet. “Three years.”

If Emma had the choice, she never would have opened her eyes. But she knew that she had this coming, and knew that it was pointless to try to hide from the situation any more than she already had. It may not have been on her own time, but they were having this discussion now, and it was time for honesty. So, she opened her eyes, wincing a bit when she noticed Killian had gone pale, and his hook was trembling in place. He looked angrier than he did sad; Emma couldn’t figure out if that said something about him, or them both together.

“Three years,” he repeated, voice flat with a hint of disbelief. Emma nodded, and he scoffed out loud. “Three years,” he repeated once more. “We haven’t even been together for three years.”

“I know,” Emma said, her voice starting to waver now. “It…After the curse broke, I…”

“You’ve been fucking the Evil Queen since the curse broke?!” Killian exclaimed loudly. Emma took a threatening step forward, unsure of where her sudden annoyance came from, but knowing that he needed to lower his voice quick if he didn’t want to get punched in the face.

“ _Don’t_ call her that,” Emma snapped. She noticed out of the corner of her eye that Regina had been trying to inch away again, but stopped in surprise when Emma defended her. “She had the option to kill us all when she got her magic back, but she didn’t. That title is _gone._ ”

Killian was laughing by the time Emma was finished speaking, but it didn’t seem to be out of amusement. It was the type of laugh one got when they were trying not to explode for unnecessary reasons. Emma suddenly wanted to slap him, but Boston wasn’t Storybrooke, and she didn’t need time in jail because someone came across her hitting a pirate. She clenched her fingers into a fist at her side instead, letting her nails dig into the soft flesh as a reminder to keep herself under control.

“Evil is evil, love,” Killian said to her as he advanced again. Emma stood her ground, glaring harder the closer he got. “Evil doesn’t change. Evil doesn’t die out as if it never existed. That woman is bloody _evil_ , and you’ve been _fucking her_ for three years!”

That caused Emma’s patience to short out, and she no longer cared if she had to sit in a cell overnight. Closing the distance between them, she snatched Killian by the collar of his black leather jacket and flung him backwards against the car, stepping forward until she was in his face. “You’ve got a lot of _fucking_ nerve!” she hissed in his face. “Even if I _wasn’t_ fucking her, I was still fucking you at one point. You’re a _pirate._ You were doing things just as horrible as she was at one point. Don’t deny it!” she yelled over him as he attempted to protest. “You’ve killed people, and that makes you just as bad as she was. So quit your hypocritical bullshit, stop acting like a child, and _tell me_ what the hell you want me to do about all of this!” She yanked him off of the car and shoved him away from her as she spoke her last words, then advanced on him again, ready to punch him if he got too cocky with her.

“Swan,” came Regina’s voice behind her, tone full of warning. Emma ignored her, and Regina tried again. “Emma,” she said, louder this time. “You’re not in Storybrooke. You can’t lose your temper out here. Your magic will get out of control, and then we have a real problem on our hands.”

“Go inside,” Emma snapped over her shoulder before looking back at Killian. Emma heard a heavy sigh from behind her, and the sound of heels slowly clicking into the distance, towards the hotel door. That had been easier than Emma expected, but she didn’t have much time to think about it before she was yelling at Killian again.

“I had _no right_ to be doing to you what I did, but if you’ve known for so long, it’s _your fault_ for letting it go without saying something!” Alright, so maybe that wasn’t fair. “She didn’t have much time to think about it.

“She’s your kid’s other mother, do you _really_ think it would have made a difference if I’d said anything?” Killian snapped back. “It’s not as if I can order you not to see her again. It’s pretty damn difficult to do that when you share a son!”

“You wouldn’t have been able to _order_ me to do anything anyway,” Emma said, fists clenching at her sides again. “You don’t own me. You don’t get to tell me who I can and can’t see, just because you don’t trust them. And you know what, you don’t get to _follow me out of state_ when I tell you I’m helping Regina with something!”

“Help her?” Killian challenged. “Help her with what? Getting her dress over her head?”

“I’ve never had to leave Storybrooke to accomplish that.”

Emma’s voice was so cold, her words biting, that it brought Killian to a pause. When he did speak again, he finally sounded hurt as opposed to angry. “I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt,” he said. “But when every excuse is Regina… _everything_ is about Regina…I can’t keep getting shoved aside for her. For the boy, maybe. But not for the Evil Queen.”

Emma’s lips pursed, and she stared him down for a few moments. “I can’t be with you if you’re going to keep calling her that,” she said. “I’m not going to continue a relationship with someone who can’t accept my friends. _All_ of them. I may have been having an affair, and that may make it difficult for you to look at her and be nice to her, but after everything she’s done to change and be a better person…” She shook her head a bit, looking away. “I can’t.”

“You’re giving up our relationship for a good fuck?” Killian pressed, looking unconvinced. Emma huffed softly and turned her attention back to him.

“I’m giving up our relationship because there’s nothing to it anymore,” she said, honest. “I’m not in love with you. I never have been. I tried to be, but I just…can’t.” If the conversation hadn’t been coming for so long, the look on Killian’s face would have broken her heart. She didn’t apologize; there was nothing to be sorry for. She couldn’t even bring herself to be sorry about the affair. Movements slow, Emma turned around and walked towards the door to the hotel lobby, keeping her eyes straight ahead.

“Emma!”

She almost didn’t stop. Emma did after a beat, though, and turned to look at him. “Just let it go,” was all she said before turning and making her way inside.

***

Emma flung the door shut behind her as she entered their hotel room, storming to the bed against the far wall to open the lone bag she had brought with her. Regina still wore that infuriating smirk as she moved to sit on the side of the bed nearest the door, facing the blonde. “Did you have a nice chat with the pirate?” she asked, tone dripping with fraudulent sweetness, and Emma’s patience snapped once again. She spun around to face her, letting the anger show on her features.

“You have _no right_ to call him just because you were mad at me!” Emma snarled. “I would _never_ do that to you with Robin! That conversation was one that we were supposed to have when I had more time to explain myself!”

“No point in explaining yourself when you were the one who messed up,” Regina said with a small shrug, seeming unbothered by Emma’s anger. Emma scoffed.

“You can’t be fucking serious,” she said. “What is this? Some kind of frustration you’re taking out on me because you can’t aim it anywhere else? I’m usually pretty good at playing punching bag, but this was uncalled for.”

Regina sighed and leaned backwards on her hands, balancing herself on the mattress as she looked at Emma. “I didn’t call him, Emma,” she said, serious now. “He was here when I got back. You’re lucky I didn’t kill him,” she added, features going dark. “He grabbed me and tossed me against that car, and considering I can’t exactly tell anyone right now…” She trailed off, looking away.

Emma was furious all over again. “He _grabbed_ you?” she asked, voice low. It was a dangerous tone. “And he pushed you? Why didn’t you tell me that in the parking lot?” Emma was sure she would have killed Killian for Regina. Emma had thrown Regina around a bit, even punched her in the face once, but Regina hadn’t been pregnant. And it was Emma that had done those things, not someone else. At least Emma knew that if she got physical with Regina, the woman could deal it back to her, and they both knew that the blonde would never really hurt her.

“Because you both had already flown off the handle enough as it was,” Regina said, head turning to look back at Emma. “Your misery might be funny to me, Miss Swan, but I’m not cleaning up a murder-suicide in a hotel parking lot.”

The idea that it would have been a murder-suicide was hilarious to Emma. She wouldn’t have had a single problem with murdering Killian on the spot and walking away. Not when he had handled Regina with that kind of aggression. She told herself that it was more the principle of the matter, that men shouldn’t be handling women that way at all, but she wasn’t _that_ sexist. It was the thought of Killian touching Regina with any sort of ill intent that made Emma’s head cloud with enmity.

Shaking her head quickly, Emma picked up the bag and crossed the room again to picked up Regina’s coat. She tossed it into her lap. “Let’s go.” Regina blinked down at the coat before lifting her head to do the same to Emma.

“What?”

“We’re going home.”

Regina gave her a look of incredulousness, one hand fisting in the coat on her lap. “You drove five hours here, and now you want to drive five hours back in the dark? Isn’t that a bit much for one day? I’d like to avoid crashing into a tree somewhere.”

“Since when do you care?” Emma asked. “Get your coat on and come on. I’m not staying here.” _Not in the same room with you._ She didn’t believe Regina when the woman claimed to have not called Killian, but she couldn’t prove it. All she wanted now was to go home and not deal with any part of this situation anymore.

***

The car ride was just as quiet going back to Storybrooke as it had been driving to Boston. The difference, however, was that Regina was awake and staring out the window, either lost in thought or just too stubborn to speak. Emma didn’t mind; she didn’t have a whole lot to say to Regina, anyway. The scenario with Killian in the parking lot kept replaying in her head, and she couldn’t help but wonder exactly how insensitive she had sounded.

_I may have been having an affair, and that may make it difficult for you to look at her and be nice to her…_

She had all but told him to get over the fact that she had been sleeping with Regina simply because the Mayor was a different person now. Emma knew that the two concepts were completely different, but it had been the only defense she could come up with while she was so unprepared.

_I’m giving up our relationship because there’s nothing to it anymore. I’m not in love with you. I never have been._

Honesty was the most important factor in any relationship Emma held, romantic or otherwise. She had been honest with him. But was it necessary to have been so cruel about it? There were plenty of other ways she could have handled that, prepared or not, and all she could do was feel guilty.

“If you don’t stop thinking so damn loud, I’m going to save myself the anticipation and crash the car for you,” Regina spoke from next to her. It was the first time she had said anything since they had gotten in the car. Emma rolled her eyes a bit, clutching harder at the steering wheel, and made it a point to stare straight out of the windshield and _not_ glance over at her.

“Stop acting like you can hear it,” Emma said in a short tone. “I could be making your night a whole lot worse by telling you every little thing I’m thinking, just because we’re trapped in this car together for another two hours.”

Regina groaned softly, her head falling back against the seat. “Please spare me,” she drawled. “I’m plenty tortured by being in this car with you at all.”

“What’s with you lately?” Emma asked before she could stop herself. “You’ve been acting like a real bitch. You’ve been fine up until I told you I wanted to stop our arrangement.” The blonde couldn’t imagine that was the reason Regina was upset with her; it wasn’t like they were in love with each other or something. Sure, it was a means of release, and they both had the tendency to get a bit wound up when they didn’t get to indulge, but they were adults. They could learn to live without it.

“Hormones,” Regina tried, but Emma wasn’t buying it.

“Nuh uh,” Emma retorted. “I’m not falling for that one. Something’s wrong. Either I did something, or you’re just taking it out on me.”

“How insightful,” Regina muttered, not at all amused by the turn in conversation. She hated being cornered; it made her feel like she had no control, and this was something Emma knew about her without having to be told. But Emma also knew that Regina would just continue to act like a bitch if Emma didn’t force the issue out of her, and she was tired of playing nice just to let the woman blow off some steam. Not after everything that had happened earlier.

“Which would you like to hear first?” Regina finally asked. “How you brought my true love’s wife back from the dead? Or how you decided you were abandoning me just after he did the same?”  
Emma’s head whipped around to look at Regina, and for a moment she forgot she was driving. She recovered quickly, however, and turned back to look at the road. “Oh my God, you’re seriously still upset with me about that? I thought we’d gotten past this?” It appeared she had been wrong. She didn’t even know how to handle the idea, let alone come up with words to respond in a proper form. “And what the hell do you mean _abandoning you_? I just took you to _Boston_ for a damn doctor’s appointment because _you_ didn’t want to do it in Maine.”

“I don’t know – guilty conscience?” Regina sneered, and Emma came closer than ever to slamming on the breaks and throwing the brunette right out of the car.

“This is ridiculous,” she snarled under her breath. “I really can’t believe you. You know why I thought it was a good idea for us to stop sleeping together? Because you and Robin need each other. You don’t need me. Sometimes I wish you did, but he can take care of you better than I can, and this is _his baby!_ He should be the one taking you to doctor’s appointments and helping you cope with this, but because he had to go off and _fuck everything up,_ I’m here. I’m picking up the slack. And you think I’m _abandoning you?_ ”

The silence that followed Emma’s rant was more surprised than anything. She hadn’t meant to get so emotional, and she could tell that Regina hadn’t expected or wanted that kind of outburst from her. But damnit, what else was Emma supposed to do? This always seemed to happen to her; she tried so hard to help, and got slapped in the face as thanks. And of all damn people, Regina fucking Mills had no right to throw accusations like that at her. Emma’s patience had run out in that area.

“Look,” Emma said after Regina was silent for far too long. “I didn’t mean to fuck up your life. I thought I was doing the right thing when it came to saving that woman. And you can’t guilt me into thinking I didn’t do something good,” she added. “But I _didn’t_ know that was his wife.”

She had no idea why she was explaining herself. This was emotional blackmail at its finest, and Emma knew that Regina was an expert in that practice. She also knew that Regina didn’t do it on purpose anymore; it was so ingrained in her personality that she did it without thinking about it, and no one could make her see it. It was one of the few things that kept her from giving up completely.

_You can’t fix her. Stop trying._

Emma shook her head against the voice that suddenly invaded her mind. Regina hadn’t replied to Emma’s apology; she merely stared out the window with clear refusal to take the conversation any further. The blonde was okay with that, if she were honest – fighting hadn’t been on her agenda in the first place, and she was already pissed off enough over everything that had happened with Killian. She was reminded all over again of her suspicions that Regina really had called him, and she was seething within seconds, hands gripping the steering wheel tightly. Driving back the same day hadn’t been a smart idea – she was tired, and her anger was just making her exhausted. If they got back alive, she was sleeping until she didn’t feel like blowing up an entire town.

***

It was late when Emma finally stopped her car in front of the apartment she shared with her parents. Regina had fallen asleep again before reaching Storybrooke. She had been slumped against the door, hair falling over her face, and soft breaths just short of snores sounded from her nose. Emma had nearly cried with relief when she noticed Regina had fallen asleep; she couldn’t sit in tense silence anymore, and she was sure things between her and Regina were ruined beyond repair at this point. The brunette was cross when Emma woke her up in front of the mansion, then had mumbled some thanks and gotten out of the car without so much as a look in Emma’s direction.

Turning the car off, Emma grabbed her bag from the backseat and got out, locking the doors behind her. She said a silent prayer as she headed up the steps; if Snow was awake, she wasn’t getting to bed any time soon, and she had been awake for nearly a whole day at that point. It was a miracle she hadn’t killed them driving home. Relief flooded her when she opened the door to a dark apartment, and she shut and locked the door quietly behind her before darting as quickly and quietly as she could up the steps and to her bedroom. She felt like a child; sneaking inside in the middle of the night, like she wasn’t supposed to be out so late. She should have laid down a few ground rules with Snow from the very beginning, but she couldn’t help but feel guilty more often.

Snow tried; she really did. Emma was the one that had longed for a family for her whole life, and she wasn’t doing a whole lot to show her gratitude for finally having one. That didn’t change the fact that Emma had been independent for her entire life, and wasn’t used to (or appreciative) of someone being so overbearing. She knew it was possible to compromise…but Emma needed a game plan before she even tried to raise the topic with her mother. Maybe she needed to talk to her father first…they both seemed to be on the same page with each other most of the time, and he knew how to handle Snow a _lot_ better than Emma did.

As Emma changed her clothes and climbed into bed, it occurred to her that she was going to have to come up with an explanation for Henry when he started asking why she and Regina were ready to kill each other again. He was a smart boy; he had already told her that he knew something was going on between them. But what was she supposed to tell him about why the visible progress was crashing right in front of all of them? He had been much happier knowing that Emma and Regina had come to an agreement…

When the blonde finally fell asleep, it was with that thought on her mind: how disappointed Henry would be when she told him that she had fucked everything up. Again.

***

**_October (Three Weeks Later)_ **

“Shit,” Emma hissed, pushing back her chair as hot, brown liquid splashed down the front of her grey sweater and onto the legs of her jeans. At least it had missed the reports she had just finished filling out; she had no desire to start over again, and Regina’s first words to her in God knew how long did _not_ need to be something about Emma’s incompetence. Sighing heavily, Emma’s fingers plucked at the sweater, her eyes narrowed on the coffee seeping deeper into the fabric. That would leave a stain – no doubt about it.

“Great,” Emma muttered, standing up from the chair at her desk and heading across her office to find some napkins. Wiping at her shirt did nothing; she hadn’t expected it to, but what else could she do? She had even less luck with her jeans. She was either going to have to go home and change, or suffer through the rest of the day with coffee all over her clothes. _Not worth the trip._ She was almost finished with another project Regina had put her on, and she still needed to deal with the mysterious ‘Firearm Replenishment’ situation on the town budget from September. There had already been multiple warnings on her desk over the past three weeks about it. Pre-typed, of course, because Regina couldn’t be bothered to approach Emma herself. She wondered if her new secretary even knew what Regina’s voice sounded like.

Emma threw down the now-wet napkins and headed back to her desk, pushing her chair back towards the desk before dropping into it and planting her elbows on the hard desktop. She dropped her head in her hands and rubbed at her temples; it was only two o’clock, and it had already been a long day. She had three hours of normal work time left, but she knew she would be there until at least seven. She had done so much looking into that damn charge, but she was coming up empty every time. She was getting desperate. And tired. For the first time in a while, Emma would finally admit it – she was overworked, and she was only doing it to herself.

“Mom?”

Head snapping up, Emma took a moment to focus her green eyes on the boy entering her office. “Henry,” she said in response, confused and relieved. She hadn’t seen much of him lately; Regina wouldn’t allow it, and it wasn’t easy to sneak him out anymore. They caught snatches of conversations together if Emma could meet him after school, but Regina had picked up on that _very_ quickly and began showing up to get him. Nothing was more important to Emma than Henry, but she was so exhausted and angry with everything that she almost didn’t have it in her to fight.

It wasn’t fair to Henry, but Emma could only pray that he understood.

“Where’s your Mom?” Emma asked, leaning just a bit to peek past Henry’s shoulder. She couldn’t figure out if she was hoping to see Regina, or hoping the brunette was blissfully unaware of where her son was located. Right at that moment, she supposed it was the latter; her lack of energy ensured that she would lose the argument that day.

“She’s at home,” Henry replied. “But we need to talk. Now.”

Something in Henry’s voice caught Emma’s attention and woke her up a bit. Sitting up a bit more, she dropped her elbows from the desk and pointed at one of the chairs in front of her. Henry pulled one around the desk next to Emma, and faced her as he sat down. “Robin and Marian are leaving tonight,” he said. “Mom’s going to see them off…she arranged for them to stay in Dad’s old apartment in New York.” Anger flared in Emma, but she couldn’t focus on that when Henry kept talking. “She’s…not okay, Mom. I think she’s pregnant.”

Emma’s eyes blew wide open, and Henry’s followed suit a moment later. “I _knew it!_ ” he exclaimed, and Emma’s hands lifted, waving a bit in a _hush_ motion. She got up quickly and hurried across the room, shutting the door to her office; the station was empty, but the last thing either of them needed was for someone to walk in and assume they were invited into this conversation. Turning, Emma leaned against the door and looked at Henry.

“Alright, look,” Emma said, voice shaking a bit. “She’s pregnant. But she hasn’t told anyone, and you have to keep pretending like you have no idea.”  

“Why hasn’t she told me?” Henry asked. “It’s not like I’m going to tell anyone. She’s always trusted me before…”

He sounded hurt, and it broke Emma’s heart. She didn’t have an answer as to why Regina hadn’t told him, though she could take a guess. But he was right – Henry wasn’t the type to go talking about that kind of business to just anyone, and as hard as Regina had been trying to win him over again, it didn’t make sense to be keeping things from him. Even something like this.

“She’s struggling,” Emma said after a moment of thought. “At least…she was when she found out. I don’t know how she’s handling it now. But she doesn’t want anyone in this town knowing, and all I can say is that you _need_ to keep this to yourself. We shouldn’t even be talking about this together.”

Henry just gazed at Emma, and the blonde knew what was coming – she couldn’t avoid it. He was too curious, and just too damn _smart_ , and why couldn’t he just take her word for it and accept it?! “She told me she adopted me because she couldn’t have children of her own,” Henry said, true to form. “How did this even _happen_? And does she really think she’s going to be able to hide a pregnancy from this town? Pretty sure pregnant women get…well, huge.” He frowned a bit, looking away from Emma. “What if she uses magic to hide it?”

Emma couldn’t deny having wondered about that herself. Knowing Regina, she had come up with some kind of spell to keep her pregnancy from showing. But Henry was still determined to believe that Regina wasn’t using magic, and Emma wouldn’t ruin that illusion, especially when she wasn’t even sure _what_ Regina was doing anymore.

“I don’t know what she’s doing,” Emma admitted. “She won’t talk to me anymore.” Emma hadn’t tried, if she were honest. Things just hadn’t ended well the night they came back from Boston. Regina was still angry at Emma for breaking things off with her, and for bringing Marian back; Emma was angry that she had tried so hard to help, only to get it thrown back in her face with no appreciation. They were just three issues that would never come to a middle ground.

“You should come to the town line tonight,” Henry said, watching his mother as she turned her head away and shut her eyes. “Mom, I mean it. She needs you…”

“She doesn’t need me,” Emma muttered, arms folding over herself. She didn’t open her eyes; she didn’t even turn her head back in Henry’s direction. She did hear him heave a heavy sigh.

“You know how she is,” Henry continued. “She’ll never admit that she needs help. But you going to Boston with her…I don’t know why you did it, but I do know that whatever it was, you were helping her. And she needed you. Don’t you think that whatever’s going on right now can be fixed if you just keep being there?”

_He’s growing up way too quickly,_ Emma thought as she opened her eyes and stared at the wall. He didn’t understand; the more Emma tried to be there, the more she got slapped in the face. There was only so much she could take before she was upset enough to lash back. It wasn’t fair to either of them for things to get heated, and it wasn’t good for Regina to get too stressed out in the state she was in.

Emma’s mind flashed back to the night Regina had shown up at the apartment, the night Robin had told her that he was leaving town with Marian. The Mayor had requested something from Emma that she had been more than willing to give to her. She had needed her, and Emma had been there. Emma groaned at the thought, uncrossing her arms and rubbing along the bridge of her nose as she realized she was going to have to do this.

“Fine,” Emma muttered, hating herself for giving in. “What time?”

Henry beamed at her, and Emma fought the urge to tell him just how lucky he was that she loved him so much. This was going to go one of two ways, and she had a sinking feeling it wasn’t going to be the more civil way.

***

At a quarter to six, Emma knew she was defeated for yet another day. The firearm charge mystery was wearing on her. Whoever had placed that order had done it in such a flawless fashion that even her talent with numbers and searching out information was proving useless in every way. With a heavy sigh, she flung down her pen and gathered up the twelve or so papers she had spread out in front of her, shoving them all in a single folder (she would sort it later) and throwing it into a drawer to the bottom right of her desk. It was time to get the hell out of the station for a while.

The alternative didn’t sound like a much more enjoyable place to be. She had promised Henry that she would be at the town line when Robin and his family left town, and she intended to keep that promise. It wasn’t going to be easy to keep her mouth shut, however. She could see the crisis from twenty miles away, the yelling and accusations Regina would throw at her for intruding on the moment. Emma would blame it on her promise to Henry, but deep down, where she was honest with herself, she knew it was because she didn’t trust Robin. Not after the way he had spoken to Regina the night the woman revealed she was pregnant. Emma had no intention of letting Robin speak to Regina like that again.

_Class One Idiot,_ she thought to herself. She didn’t know if she was referring to Robin or herself.

By the time she got her coat on and locked up the station, Emma had eight minutes to get to the town line. White, wet flakes fell slowly around her, and she dug her hat out from her coat pocket and pulled it down over her ears. Maine had a habit of playing tricks with the weather during the winter; she would be walking to the line to avoid destroying another piece of town property.

By the time she reached said line, it was snowing in a consistent sheet of white, and Emma could just barely make out the outlines of Henry and Regina with their backs to her, Robin facing them both with Marian and Roland by his side. The blonde could taste the bitterness from the six feet she still hadn’t covered to reach them. When she stopped next to Henry, he gave her a surprised look, but smiled his relief at her. She gave him a wary look in return, and glanced up to see Regina glaring at her.

“What are you doing here?” Regina hissed, voice quiet. The glint in her eyes was visible even past the snow, and Emma was glad she had prepared herself for this. With a careful set of her jaw, Emma lifted her chin a bit and met Regina’s dark gaze unflinchingly.

“Saying goodbye.”

Emma was positive that Regina was going to throttle her. The brunette had even turned towards her a bit, but seemed to realize that Henry was between them, and bunched her hands into fists instead. Emma kept her gaze the whole time, very much aware that Robin and Marian were staring at them like they were insane, and Roland was blinking between the two with confusion. It wasn’t until Regina turned away that Emma allowed her gaze to turn on the three in front of them.

“Shall we?” Robin asked Regina. Emma had never heard his voice so…dead. She wanted to punch him just for having the audacity to speak to Regina that way. She glanced over at Regina as the brunette stepped forward, looking a lot less confident than Emma was used to, and held out a key attached to a ring.

“The apartment belonged to Gold’s son,” Regina said, her voice just as flat as Robin’s. “I’ve arranged for you and your family to live there until you find better accommodations.” Robin took the key from Regina, and Emma watched as Regina’s fingers curled into a fist once more. As little as they had been getting along lately, there was still an overwhelming urge to step forward and grasp that hand in her own until it relaxed. She couldn’t find it in herself to feel guilty for that desire, either.

“Thank you, Regina,” Robin said, and for a moment, he almost sounded sincere. His hand took Marian’s, causing his wife to turn her head to smile at him. Emma had an urge to punch her, too. None of this was right.

“Thank you, Regina,” Marian mimicked, turning to look at Regina. She sounded much more sincere than Robin, and it was clear that the woman wasn’t fond of how all of this had transpired. Her brows were pinched with stress, and when she wasn’t smiling at her husband, there was a pull at the corners of her lips that sloped downward.

“I hope you’re aware of what you’re doing,” Emma said suddenly, her arms folding over her chest. She hadn’t meant to speak, but it was getting too difficult to keep her mouth shut. “For someone with honor, you’ve taken about ten steps back and fallen into deep water.”

Robin gave her a look of bewilderment, while Regina’s head snapped around to look at her in astonishment. Emma didn’t back down; just kept her eyes on Robin, even when Marian looked between Emma and Robin like she was about to demand answers. Emma was glad she didn’t. There was already enough bad blood without everything else getting laid out on the table right then.

“I think we need to talk,” Robin said to Regina after the shocked silence had stretched too long. Regina’s hands clenched again, and Emma nearly stepped in to refuse for her. She had to remind herself that she was only here as a support system, and Regina could take care of herself.

“I have nothing to say,” Regina said calmly.

“I do,” Robin replied, unwilling to back down. Not until Regina’s entire demeanor changed, at least. She went from guarded to stoic, her features hardening into stone as her eyes narrowed. They were the only feature that spoke volumes of emotion, though said emotion was not pleasant in the least.

“I have nothing to say,” Regina repeated. “And you have a family to tend to. I suggest you take them and leave. Now.”

“Regina –“

“I said go.”

It was difficult to argue with that tone. Even Emma had never been able to get around it. She watched as Robin let out a sigh and took Marian’s hand, reaching for Roland’s with his other hand. He gave Regina a long look before turning around and heading towards the town line. He didn’t even glance back as he stepped over said line, disappearing entirely with Marian and Roland in tow.

Regina was still rigid, just staring at the spot Robin had disappeared from. Her jaw was clenched so hard that Emma was positive the woman was getting a headache. Henry, who had been silent and still the whole time, reached out to put a hand on Regina’s arm. It stirred her, but not by much.

“Let’s go home, Mom,” Henry tried, and Regina nodded after a few moments. Emma didn’t even think about it as she turned around when they did, falling into step behind them as they made their way towards town again.

“Go home, Miss Swan,” Regina bit out when they reached Main Street. Emma snorted.

“I will when I’m done walking you home,” she said.

“I don’t need an escort,” Regina snapped. “Besides, I have my son. I’m perfectly capable from here.”

“I’m walking you home,” Emma repeated, her tone taking on its own no-nonsense edge. It was almost disappointing when Regina only rolled her eyes and went quiet.

Once they turned onto Mifflin Street, Regina’s steps quickened. Her arms had folded around herself not long ago, and Emma could tell that she was freezing. Emma was, too; her teeth had started chattering, the wet snow seeping through her hat and dampening her hair. Regina was shivering; it was obvious, even from behind her. Henry fell into step with Emma, letting Regina quicken her pace towards the house, and shook his head as he looked at his other mother.

“I don’t know what to do,” Henry said, sounding small. “She’s going to lock herself up and I’m not going to see her for a week. There’s nothing I can do to get her out.”

“Don’t say that, kid,” Emma replied, unfolding her arms so she could wrap one around Henry’s shoulder. “Maybe we can head her off before she gets the chance. Remind her that you’re still a kid and need some motherly love.” Henry’s nose wrinkled, and Emma smirked. “Got any better ideas?”

“Not really,” the boy muttered, and Emma nodded, triumphant. If she were honest, she couldn’t care less what Regina did; she had already proven that she didn’t want Emma’s help. She didn’t want anything from Emma. Not like the blonde could blame her, but it was still annoying when Emma had it in her to want to help. But when it came to Henry, she knew that she needed to do _something._

She just had no idea what.

Henry and Emma were both shivering by the time they reached the walkway that led up to the mansion. Regina was already standing inside, her hand on the front door to hold it open; clearly waiting for Henry. They stopped in the middle of the walkway to embrace, and Emma closed her eyes. “Let me know if she’s okay,” Emma said, quiet. Henry nodded, and hurried up the front walk. Emma had turned and was almost back to the sidewalk before she heard Regina’s voice calling out the door.

“Miss Swan.”

Pausing, Emma frowned, turning around to look at Regina. She looked annoyed, though not at Emma. More like she had just battled with herself for a good minute or so and was unhappy with what she had come up with.

“Come inside.”

Emma’s brow raised. “What?”

“It may be snowing, dear, but I know it isn’t tampering with your hearing,” Regina growled. “Come. Inside. Now.”

“Um,” Emma stumbled over her attempt at speaking, looking around for an escape route. Sure, she had wanted to make sure Regina was alright, but she hadn’t been prepared for an invitation inside. “I, um…need to…”

She didn’t get through that thought before she was suddenly yanked forward by a magical pull. With a squeak of surprise, Emma’s hands shot out, catching the doorframe when the pull stopped, and her head snapped up to look at Regina, who had a hand lifted from her performance. Green eyes just stared at Regina, wide, and the blonde couldn’t get any words out.

“It’s freezing,” Regina growled. “You’re shivering. The snow is getting worse, and you’ll be unable to see before you even make it home. I’d rather avoid Henry’s devastation from losing his other mother to hypothermia, so you’re coming inside until it stops snowing.” Emma just blinked at Regina, still unable to speak. “Unless you want to reject my sudden kindness and die out there,” Regina added, growling again, this time annoyed with Emma.

“No, I, um…” Emma shook her head and stepped inside, letting out a soft sigh of relief when she realized the heat was on. “Thank you.”

Regina shut the door behind Emma and gave the blonde a once over. “Shoes off,” she said, short and blunt. “Go upstairs. The guest room has spare clothes.” With that, she shrugged her own coat off, snow falling to the floor, and disappeared down the hallway.

“You know, you can be really fucking confusing sometimes,” Emma muttered to the spot Regina had been standing in. She pushed her own coat off, tucked her hat into the sleeve, and hung it up. She had no intention of changing her clothes, but she supposed she was going to have to at least grab a blanket. Emma made her way up the stairs, glancing around before letting herself into the guest room and shutting the door behind her.

It always amazed her how simple the guest room was compared to the rest of the house. It didn’t feel like a room that belonged in a lavish mansion; a bed pushed up against the wall, a simple chest of drawers, an armchair by the window. Wandering to the bed, Emma sat on the end, then allowed herself to fall backwards until her back hit the mattress and she was looking at the ceiling. Simple or not, the room was warm, and she had no desire whatsoever to leave it.

Rolling onto her side, Emma allowed her eyes to slip closed. It still confused her as to where Regina’s sudden bought of generosity came from. She was probably downstairs poisoning tea. That was the last thought she had before she slipped off into an unexpected sleep.

***

Some unknown amount of time later, Emma crept quietly down the stairs, rubbing one eye sleepily before pushing a hand through her tangled locks. She had no idea how long she had been asleep, but it was dark outside; a clear indication that she had slept far longer than intended. The fact that Regina hadn’t woken her up and thrown her out surprised her. The least Emma could do by that point was get her coat from the hallway and take her leave.

She was getting ready to turn into the kitchen, looking for a quick drink, when she noticed a faint light coming from the living room down the hallway. Regina must have still been awake. The blonde peered around the corner and into the kitchen, catching the blinking light on the microwave that read _11:43pm._ She sighed softly, looking back towards the living room. Emma knew that Regina hadn’t been resting very well, and while she tried to remind herself that it was none of her business, she did know how bad it was for both Regina and the baby to be lacking proper rest. Against her better judgement, she headed for the living room, bare feet padding quietly along the sleek floor.

Regina was settled on the end of the couch, slumped down a bit with her back resting against the cushions behind her and her elbow propped on the arm. One finger was pressed to her temple, the other just underneath her jaw, holding her head up as she flipped absently through a book settled on her knees. She looked much smaller and far more human than Emma was used to seeing her; she wore a thin black shirt that stretched down to her mid-thigh, and everything past that was bare. Emma chose to ignore the nagging wonder as to whether she was wearing any underwear, and just allowed her eyes to take in the sight of a barefoot, barely clothed Mayor.

It didn’t take long for Emma to begin to feel as if she was spying, or making an inappropriate gesture by just standing there and looking at Regina without the woman’s knowledge of her presence. So, she stepped into the living room, hugging her arms around herself as she moved closer to the couch and into Regina’s line of view. “Hey,” she said to announce her presence. She had to clear her throat a bit once she realized her voice was still deep with sleep.

Regina’s eyes flicked up from the book to stare at Emma, taking in her disheveled appearance and sleepy features. Emma only stared back, keeping her gaze until dark eyes lowered back to the book. “I see you didn’t die in your sleep,” she said, sounding rather disappointed. Emma’s brow lifted, and she huffed a bit.

“Sorry to disappoint you,” Emma drawled. “But I’m very much alive.”

“I see that,” Regina repeated, then flipped another page in her book. Emma glanced down, wondering if she could get an idea of what Regina was reading. Both brows lifted this time when she noticed a photo of an infant on one of the pages. She supposed she had never expected Regina to own anything resembling a book about babies, as she had raised Henry and done a spectacular job. Then again, she could only imagine how many books that had taken the other female. And Regina had never been pregnant before, so it was good for her to educate herself. It didn’t make it any less surprising.

Regina sighed after a moment of silence, looking up again to level another stare on Emma. “Miss Swan, if you’re not intending to leave my home, the least you could do is get me something to drink. I’m not some window display for you to gawk at.”

Emma felt a rush of heat through her face, and knew she was flushing. “I wasn’t gawking,” she muttered. A pointed look from Regina hand her unfolding her arms and holding her hands up a bit in defeat. “Alright, drink it is,” she added, taking a few steps back before turning to head into the kitchen. Regina wasn’t even showing yet; Emma understood that she could have gotten up to get her own drink, but with as tired as she looked, Emma couldn’t find it in herself to argue or refuse. As she dumped ice into a glass, she couldn’t help but wonder yet again when she had begun to care so much. Was it even caring? Or had she just been dropped into a situation with no warning, and now didn’t have many options to get out? It didn’t matter either way – Emma knew she would help whenever asked.

Heading back to the living room, Emma held out the tall glass of water she had poured. Regina didn’t look up as she reached out to take it without a word. Emma had gotten used to her lack of verbal gratitude, so she brushed it off and took a step back again. “I’m gonna go check on Henry,” Emma said. “He’s probably driving himself crazy by now. Do you need anything before I go?” Regina looked up at her at last, though her gaze wasn’t appreciative or cooperative. “Come on,” Emma continued. “Do you need anything or not? You don’t have to do everything yourself anymore.”

“Contrary to your beliefs, Miss Swan, I’m perfectly capable of handling myself,” Regina snapped, far more defensive than Emma expected. “I don’t need your help, or your pity.” It wasn’t meant as an attack, but the brief hurt flashed through Emma’s eyes anyway, and the walls slowly slid into place.

“No one needs me,” Emma replied, arms folding once more. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not here to help. Trust me, I’m aware you can take care of yourself, but it’s not a crime to let someone in to help you every now and then.” As she spoke, she found that she believed her words whole-heartedly; it _wasn’t_ a crime to ask for help every now and then, and even as strong as Regina tried to be, she was going to have to cave at some point during this pregnancy.

“How touching,” Regina said in a short tone, flipping the book shut and crossing one leg over the other. Emma forced her eyes to stay on Regina’s face, and not the expanse of thigh that just became more visible. “Let me remind you of something: You’re only here because I’m not able to hide a pregnancy from someone I’ve been fucking for several years now. You’re only here because the rest of this town can’t know quite yet, and I need medical accommodation outside of this town. That’s all. You don’t get to pretend like you care about my wellbeing all the sudden. You don’t get to act on guilt you harbor for whatever reason or another just because Robin Hood is gone. Henry may belong to both of us, but this child is _mine._ You have no right.”

Each word had Emma’s gaze hardening more, and she had to remind herself of her promise not to get upset when things like this happened. Mood swings started early in some people, as did irritability. All of it was something Regina would say to her regardless, but she liked to think that the other woman knew by now that none of that was true. None of that was her intention. And what on earth was this about rights to the baby? Emma knew it wasn’t hers, and she hadn’t even said anything about rights to it. What kind of sense would that even make, anyway?

“Look,” Emma started, attempting to choose her words carefully. “I don’t know what else to do to make you realize that I’m not out to sabotage you. I’m not going to out you to the town, and I know damn well that the baby isn’t mine. I’m good at keeping things separate – we’re Henry’s parents during the day, we fuck at night. That’s it. But you _did_ raise Henry, and no matter what happens between us, I’m still happy that it was you he ended up with. I’m doing this because I care. _Not_ because I want to force my way into that kid’s life.”

Regina was watching her with an unreadable expression as she spoke, and she remained silent still when Emma was finished. She took a slow drink from her glass of water, then licked her lips with an absent movement of her tongue. “How touching,” she finally said, and the sarcasm was absolutely dripping from her tone. “But in case you haven’t gotten the point – _I don’t need you._ ” It was so firm, and so serious that Emma couldn’t even argue it anymore. This seemed to be what she got any time she ever tried to put a real effort into being helpful.

“Good night,” Emma said, tone low. She spun on her bare heel and moved swiftly towards the hallway, but came to a stop when she heard Regina’s voice speak to her again.

“Henry needs you.”

Emma turned, frowning at Regina. “What?”

“You said that no one needs you,” Regina said, sitting forward on the couch. “Henry needs you. He’d be devastated without you.” It was clear that she wasn’t sure why she was suddenly trying to say something to make the blonde feel better, but she couldn’t take it back now. Emma just looked at her for a few long moments before trying to respond.

“He has you,” Emma said. “That’s all he needs.”

She left before Regina could argue past that. 


End file.
